PR 

3461 

r6 

A67 

1870z 

MAIN 


B    M     107    bMM 


I>I^IOE  IS    OEIVTS, 


DE  WITT'S  ACTING  PLAYS.     ^^J 


(  Nurnh)er    111.) 


THE  LIAR. 

^.iapted  from  the  French  of  "La  Menteur"  by  Oomeille. 
BY    SAMUEL    FOOTE. 

he  Mayor  of  Garratt,'^    "  The  Maid  of  Barth,''''  tfec,  tfec. 
'  Itered  and  Adapted  by  CHARLES  MATHEWS. 


A^D   FlllST  PERFORMED  (SO   ALTERED)   AT  THE  OLYMPIC  THE- 
ATRE,  LONDON,    UNDER  THE  MANAGEMENT  OF  MR. 
HORACE   WIG  AN,  SATURDAY,  MARCH  9,  1867. 

TO   WHICH   ABE  ADDED 


scriiTion  of  tlie  Costiiiue— Cast  of  the  Oiiaracteis— Eutrauces  aufl  Exits- 
Relative  Positions  of  the  Perfonueis  on  the  Stage,  aud 
tlie  whole  of  the  Stage  Business. 


NEW  YORK : 

THE  DE  WITT  PUBLISHING  HOUSE, 

tlx  No.  33  Rose  Street. 


^1'- 


ETUIOPM  AND  COMIC  DRAMA. 


Nothing  80  thorough  and  complete  in  the  vray  of  Ethiopian  and  Comic  Dramas  has  ever 
been  printed  as  those  that  appear  in  the  following  list.  Not  only  are  the  plots  excellent,  the 
characters  droll,  the  incidents  funny,  the  language  humorous,  but  all  the  Bituations.^y-play, 
positions,  pantomimic  business,  scenery,  and  tricks  are  so  plainly  set  down  and  clearly 
explained  that  the  merest  novice  could  put  any  of  them  on  the  stage.  Included  in  this 
Catalogue  are  all  the  most  laughable  and  effective  pieces  of  their  class  ever  produced. 

*:^*  In  ordering  please  copy  the  figures  at  the  commencement  of  each  piece,  which 
indicate  the  number  of  the  piece  in  "  De  "Witt's  Ethiopian  and  Comic  Drama." 

4^  Any  of  the  following  Plays  sent,  postage  free,  on  receipt  of  price— J'i/^ccn,  Cents 
each.  { 

J8^  The  figure  following  the  name  of  the  Play  denotes  the  number  of  Acts.  The 
figures  in  the  columns  indicate  the  number  of  characters — M.  male;  F.  female. 


141. 

73, 
107. 

113. 
133. 

43. 

42. 

79. 

I    40. 


10. 
11. 
146. 

110. 

126. 
127. 
128. 

120. 


24. 

108. 


148. 
S5. 
112. 

41. 

144. 

140. 
12 
53. 
63, 

131, 


Absent  Minded,  Ethiopian  farce,  1 

act 3 

African  Box,  burlesque^  2  scenes. . .  6 
Africanas  Bluebeard,  musical  Ethi- 
opian burlesque,  1  scene 6 

Ambition,  farce,  2  scenes 7 

Awful  Plot  (An)  Ethiopian  farce,  la.  3 
Baby  Elephant,  sketch,  2  scenes.. . .  7 
Bad  Whiskey,  Irish  sketch,  1  scene.  2 
Barney's  Courtship,  musical  inter- 
lude, 1  act - 1 

Big  Mistake,  sketch,  1  scene 4 

Black  Chap  from  "Whitechapel,  Ne- 
gro piece 4 

Black  Chemist,  sketch,  1  scene  ....  3 
Black-Ey'd  William, 6ketch,2  scenes  4 
Black  Forrest  (The),Ethiopian  farce, 

lact 2 

Black  Magician  (De),Ethiopian  com- 
icality   4 

Black  Statue  (The),  Negro  farce 4 

Blinks  and  Jinks,  Ethiopian  sketch.  3 
BoboUno,  the  Black  Bandit,  Ethio- 
pian musical  farce,  1  act 2 

Body  Snatchers  (The), Negro  sketch, 

2  scenes 3 

Bogus  Indian,  sketch,  4  scenes 5 

Bogus  Talking  Machine  (The),  farce, 

1  scene 4 

Bruised  and  Cured,  sketch,  1  scene.  2 
Charge  of  the  Hash  Brigade,  comic 

Irish  musical  sketch 2 

Christmas  Eve  in  the  Soutl"    fithio- 

piau  farce.  1  act 

Coal  Heaver's  Revenge, Negro  sketch. 

1  scene 6 

Coming  Man  (The),  Ethiopian  sketch, 

2  scenes 3 

Cremation,  sketch,  2  scenes 8 

Crowded  Hotel  (The),  sketch,  1  sc.  4 
Cupid's  Frolics,  sketch,  1  scene. . . .  5 

Daguerreotypes,  sketch,  1  scene 3 

Damon  and  Pythias,  burlesque,  2  sc.  F 
Darkey's  Stratagem,  sketch,  1  seen..  -2 
Darkey   Sleep  Walker  (The),  Ethio- 
pian sketch,  1  scene 3 


6    2 


124. 
111. 

139. 
50. 
64. 
95. 

67. 
4. 

136. 
93. 
52. 
25. 


51. 
152. 

106. 

83. 

77. 

17. 

58. 
31. 
20. 
82. 
130. 


61. 
142. 


23. 

118. 


150. 

7a. 

123 


Deaf  as  a  Post,  Ethiopian  sketch.. . .  2 
Deeds  of  Darkness,  Ethiopian  ex- 
travaganza, 1  act 6 

Desperate  Situation  (A),  farce,  1  sc.  6 

Draft  (The),  sketch,  2  scenes 6 

Dutchman's  Ghost,  1  scene 4 

Dutch  Justice,    laughable   sketch, 

1  scene H 

Editor's  Troubles,  farce,  1  scene.. .  6 

Eh  ?  What  is  it  ?  sketch 4 

Election  Day,  Ethiopian  farce,  2  sc.  6 
Elopement  (The),  farce,  2  scenes. . .  4 

Excise  Trials,  sketch,  1  scene 10 

Fellow  that  Looks  like  Me,  inter- 
lude, 1  scene 2 

First  Night  (The),  Dutch  farce,  1  act  4 
Fisherman's  Luck,  sketch,  1  scene.  2 
Fun  in  a  Cooper's  Shop,  Ethiopian 

sketch 6 

Gambrinus,   King  of   Lager  Beer, 

Ethiopian  burlesque,  2  scenes 8 

German  Emigrant  (The), sketch, Isc.  2 
Getting    Square  on  the  Call  Boy, 

sketch,  1  scene 3 

Ghost  (The).  Sketch,  1  act 2 

Ghost  in  a  Pawn  Shop,  sketch,  1  sc.  4 

Glycerine  Oil,  sketch,  2  scenes 3 

Going  for  the  Cup,  interlude 4 

Good  Night's  Rest,  sketch,  1  scene.  3 
Go  and  get  Tight,  Ethiopian  sketch, 

1  scene 6 

Gripsack,  sketch,'!  scene 3 

Guide  to  the  Stage,  sketch 3 

Happy  Couple,  1  scene 2 

Happy  Uncle  Rufus,  Ethiopian  mu- 
sical sketch,  1  scene 1 

Hard  Times,  extravaganza.  1  scene.  S 
Helen's  Funny  Babies,  burlesque, 

lact 6 

Hemmed  In.  sketch 3 

High  Jack,  the  Heeler,  sketch,  1  sc.  6 

Hippotheatron,  sketch 9 

How  to  Pay  the  Rent,  farce,  1  scene  6 

la  and  Out,  sketch,  1  scene 2 

Intelligence  Office  (The),  Ethiopian 
sketch,  1  scene 2 


THE    LIAR. 

IN  TWO  ACTS. 

ADAPTED  FROM   THE  FRENCH  OF  "  LE  MENTEUR  "  BY  CORNEILLE. 


By  SAMUEL  TOOTE, 

AiUJior  of  "  The  Mayor  of  GarraU''  "  The-jffdTd  of  Bath,"  etc.,  etc.,  etc. 


AS  ALTERED  AND  ADAPTED  BY 


CHARLES    MATHEWS. 


AND    FIRST    rEKFORMED    (sO  ALTERED)  AT    THE    OLYMPIC    THEATRE, 

LONDON,    UNDER    THE    MANAGEMENT    OF    MR.   HORACE 

WIGAN,    SATURDAY,    MARCH    'J  HE    9tH,   1867. 


TO  WHICH  IS  ADDED 


A    DBSCRIPTION     OF     THE     COSTUME- CAST     OF     THE     CHARACTERS EN- 
TRANCES   AND    EXITS — RELATIVE    POSITIONS    OF    THE     PER- 
FORMERS   ON    THE    STAGE,    AND    THE    WUOLE 
OF      THE      STAGE      BUSINESS. 


NEW  YORK: 

THE  DE  WITT  PUBLISHING  HOUSE, 

No.  33  Rose  Street. 


2  THE    LIAR. 

CAST   OF    CHARACTERS. 

Olympic  Tlieatre,  Wallack's  Theatre, 

London,  March  9,  1867.  New  York,  Nov.  22,  1873. 

Sir  James  Elliot Mr.  H.  J.  Montague,  Mr.  W,  J.  Febguson. 

Old  Willing  (1st  Old  Man) Mr.  Addison.  Mr.  John  Gilbeet. 

Youiim''\ViUliiig  (Light  Comedy ).:Mr.  C  habi  es  Mathews.  Mr.  Lester  Wallack. 

I'apillion  (t'liaiacter  Comedy). ..Mr.  Horace  Wigan.  Mr.  Harry  Beckett. 

John  (Miss  Uodlrey's  {Servant— 

Utility) Mr.  Franks.  Mr.  J.  Peck. 

"William  (Miss  Grantham's  Ser- 
vant—Utility)    Mr.  J.  Josephs. 

Young  Wilding's  Servant  (Util- 

Miss  Grantham  (Comedy  Lead). Mrs.  Charles  Mathews.  Miss  Jeffreys-Lewis. 
Miss  Godfrey  (a  Kicb  Old  Maid- 
Old  "Woman) Mrs.  Stephens.  Mrs.  John  Sefton. 

Solditii,  Ladies,  and  Gentlemen,  etc.,  etc. 


8CENERT  {London,  1762.) 

Act   I.  — ST.   JAMES'S   PAEK. 

Act  II.— room  AT  MISS  GODFREY'S. 

j[  CT  I — St.  James's  Park.  Landscape  with  background  of  houses'  upper  stories 
seen  over  and  behind  trees.  Trees  for  wings.  Sky  sinks  and  borders.  Set  trees  on 
stage,  R.  c  and  l.  c. 

ACT  //.—Par  or  in  3d  grooves.  Screen  r.  c.  ;  sofa  l.  c.  Tables  an  Cabinets  at 
back.    Doors  r.  and  l.  1  E.,  and  r.  in  f.    "Window,  cmtained,  l.  in  r.    Carpet  down. 


COSTUMES  {Period  1750.) 

Sir  James.— Embi-oidered  suit,  pow;lered  wig,  sword,  etc.,  cbapeau  bras,  cane. 

Young  Wilding. — Silk  embroidered  suit,  sword,  etc. 

Old  Wilding.— Green  cloth,  gold  laced  suit,  three-cornered  hat,  cane. 

Papillion.— Salmon  colorel  suit,  large  wig  with  queue,  cane. 

Miss  Grantham.  -Embroidered  silk  sacque,  short  sleeves,  ruffles,  large  fan,  long 

gloves,  powder.    Second  dress  :  black  wrapper,  Pamela  hat,  with  bows. 
Miss  Godfrey.— Embroidered  silk  sacque,  large  apron,  powder  and  patches. 


PROPERTIES. 

ACT  /.—Snuff-boxes,  canes  and  swords  for  Gentlemen;  letter  for  John  to  enter 
with,  L.  2  K.  Act  II. :  Screen  :  ornaments;  bundle  of  papers  for  Papillion  to 
enter  with ;  legal  paper  for  Old  Wilding  ;  half  mask  for  Miss  Grantham  ; 
letter  for  her. 


TIME  OF  PLAYING-ONE  HOUR  AND  TWENTY  MINUTES. 


STAGE  DIRECTIONS. 

R.  means  Bight  of  Stage,  facing  the  Audience ;  L.  Lett ;  C.  Centre  ;  R.  C.  Right 
of  Centre ;  L.  C.  Left  of  Centre.  D.  F.  Door  in  the  Flat,  or  Scene  running  across 
the  back  of  the  Stage ;  C.  D.  F.  Centre  Door  in  the  Flat ;  R.  D.  F.  Right  Door  in 
the  Flat ;  L.  C.  F.  Left  Door  in  the  Flat;  R.  D.  Right  Door;  L.  D.  Left  Door  ;  1  E. 
First  Entrance ;  2  E.  Second  Entrance ;  U.  E.  Upper  Entrance ;  1,  2  or  3  G.  First, 
Second  or  Third  Groove. 

R.  R.  C.  C.  L.C.  L. 

B^"  The  reader  is  supposedto  be  upon  the  stage  facing  the  rudience. 


?s 

<34 

$5 

^ 

si" 

■C 

e 

, 

<s 

t— 

rC; 

CO 

t^ 

00 

i-H 

"O 

?S 

oT 

iS 

S 

^6 

^ 

j 

^ 

f? 

>> 

^ 

1 

■«> 

^ 

« 

Q 

o? 

^ 

>(^ 

Ol 

s 

'^i 

•<s> 

•s 

•  ^ 

» 

CI 

s 

o 

1^ 

b>l 

I— t 

o 

•~J. 

1—1 

§H 

^ 

?2s 

--0 

^ 

o 

5j 

ri 

•io 

1 

«3 

C> 

g" 

s 

?^" 

i<S 

1; 

« 

§ 

^ 

THE    LIAK. 


IS 


fif^ 


=  "^  "^  fP  t-i  ^ 


•^^ 


*■■  a 


Wh^IPh       I^HQ^pq 


1 fi^^a      « 


f  S,    X 

lil  «          H 

f^  ^   < 

^  ai  r^ 

t  J  - 


s  "M    S  1-5  g    •  c 

?^-:  §  I  -^  ■  ^ 


^^ 


K    O     "^     <   ^ 


~  5    i    J    =*  05 

^.     V  ^       O       kJ  '^  ^ 

=    s  pq  Ph  H  g  ^ 

^   i  ^'  ::  ::  =  3 


i  wo^c^a 


s  >  ^ 


^  '•^  ^ 
S  r^  3 


W    H  g 

o  ^-^  W 

.    ''J  «; 

2-2  2 

1^  1^  -^ 


H  «  ^ 


25     O    di 


^  ^ 


^ 


?. 


^     O     g 
02   pIH   CC 


,<=      a  rz: 


as  Q  >^  Ph 


K  :q  •< 


(7J      '/J     ^J 


^1'^ 


bn 


5  ^ 

;£  o ;«  -  ° 


5  '^ 


p;-<: 


•^     vq     >q 

g   w    « 

Qd     S     Q 


en    in   -t>' 


iv!je8795Je 


IHE    LIA.il. 


THE  LIAR. 

Adaptatioy.  of  "  Le  Menteur  "  {altered  from  the  Spanish),  hy  ComeiUe. 

"The  Mistaken  Beauty,"  4to,...1661— 

"The  Lying  Lover," IIOZ— Steele. 

"The  Liar," 1762— Foote. 

"  The  Liar  "  may,  we  think,  be  called  the  best  of  Foote's  productions  ;  at  all  events 
it  has  a  fairer  chance  of  sailing  down  the  stream  of  time  than  any  other  of  his  moi ks  ; 
for  though  formed  aftt-r  the  French  model,  it  is  not  deficient  in  character,  and  its 
principal  portrait  does  not  belong  to  the  manners  of  any  age  ;  society  will  never  be 
BO  virtuous,  nor  temptation  so  diminished,  that  lying  should  go  out  of  fashion. 
Young  Wilding,  therefore,  may  be  always  expected  to  please,  while  the  drama  itself 
shall  please.    In  the  fable  there  is  nothing  to  offend  by  improbability. 

The  dialogue  is  both  elegant  and  humorous,  and  that  in  an  eminent  degree.  Young 
Wilding's  stories  to  his  father,  of  his  wife,  his  kittens,  and  his  pokers,  are  in  the 
richest  style  of  the  Congreve  school  of  comedy,  and  are  a  sufficient  proof  that  comic 
effect  does  not  depend  on  incident  or  situation  ;  the  scene  in  question  is  striking  only 
by  the  force  of  language,  and  indeed  the  same  may  be  said  of  the  whole  piece,  yet  it 
pleases  by  the  brilliancy  of  its  dialogue,  and  not  by  the  intricacies  of  its  fable. 

This  is  not  the  place  to  institute  a  comparason  between  the  English  and  French 
schools  of  comedy,  but  we  m  ly  be  allowed  a  cursory  remark,  that  humor  and  char- 
acter seem  to  be  the  distinctive  features  of  the  first,  while  the  latter  only  aims  at 
brilliant  dialogue,  and  provided  the  dramatis  personae  speak  pungent  sarcasm  and 
witty  epigram,  is  little  careful  to  impress  on  them  those  peculiar  marks  of  habit  and 
nature,  which  distinguish  man  from  man  in  the  business  of  daily  life. 

Foote's  Comedy  of  The  Liar  has  not  been  played  in  London  for  thirty  years. 

In  adapting  it  to  the  modern  stage,  I  have  made  the  following  alterations:— The 
changes  of  scene  from  "  Young  AVilding's  lodgings  "  to  •'  The  Park,"  then  to  the 
"  Tavern,"  then  to  "  Miss  Grantham's,''  then  to  the  "  Street,"  then  to  "  Miss  God- 
frey's," were  tiresome  and  unnecessary,  and  I  have  re-arranged  the  piece  so  as  to 
need  onl^-  one  set  scene  in  each  act ;  and,  although  I  only  drop  the  curtain  once,  I 
have  retained  every  word  of  the  dialogue  of  the  three  acts  as  originally  written,  re- 
storing the  effective  and  very  necessary  scene  in  the  second  act,  which  has  been  hith- 
erto omitted  in  all  the  acting  editions,  merely  transferring  the  situation  fi'om  the 
exterior  balcony  of  the  house  to  Miss  Godfrey's  apartment. 

The  character  of  Miss  Godfrey— in  the  original  a  sentimental,  serious  young  lady— 
I  have  changed  into  a  frumpish,  pretentious  old  maid,  which  makes  her  squabbles 
with  Miss  Grantham  more  comic,  and  enhances  the  situation  in  the  second  act,  when 
she  is,  to  the  dismay  of  Young  Wilding,  presented  to  him  as  his  chosen  wife. 

The  character  of  "  Kitty,"  I  have  entirely  suppressed,  giving  to  Miss  Grantham 
the  assumption  of  "  Lydia  Sybthorp,"  which  makes  the  lesson  much  more  pungent 
and  leads  to  a  more  effectual  denouement. 

Lastly,  I  have  altered  the  very  unsatisfactory  disappearance  of  Young  Wilding 
from  the  stage  (pursued  by  Kitty),  leaving  the  audience  in  doubt  as  to  his  fate,  and 
ending  the  piece  without  the  presence  of  the  principal  character,  and  have  brought 
the  comedy  to  a  more  dramatic  and  amusing  termination. 

The  distinguished  success  which  has  attended  this  adaptation,  ■will,  I  trust,  be  my 
excuse  for  the  liberties  I  have  taken  with  the  original. 

M. 


THE  LIAR. 


ACT  I. 

SCENE.— TAe  Park,  in  ^d grooves. 

Enler  YogxG  Wilding  and  Papillion,  it.  2  E. 

FouNG  W.  And  T  am  now,  Papillion,  perfecLly  equipped  ? 

Pap.  P er Sonne  niieux  ;  nobody  better. 

Young  W.  My  figure  ? 

Pap.  Faite  a  peindre. 

Young  W.  My  air  7 

Pap.  Libre. 

Young  W.  My  address  ? 

Pap.  Piirisienne. 

Young  W.  My  hat  sits  easily  under  my  arm;  not  like  the  draggled 
tail  of  my  tattered  ac;ideniical  habit. 

Pap.  Ah  !  bien  autre  chose. 

Young  W.  Wiiy,  then,  adieu,  A'ma  Mater!  bien  venue,  la  ville  de  Lon~ 
dies!  faiewell  to  the  !vcho(ds,  and  welcome  the  theatres;  presidents, 
proctors,  and  short  commons  with  long  graces,  must  now  give  place  to 
plays  and  long  tavern  bill.s,  with  no  graces  at  all ! 

Pap.  Ah,  bravo,  bravo  ! 

Young  W.  How  long  have  you  left  Paris,  Papillion  ? 

Pap.  Twelve,  diiteen  year. 

ITouNG  W.  I  can't  compliment  you  upon  your  progress  in  English. 

Pap    Thp  accent  is  difficile. 

Young  W.  But  here  you  are  at  home  1 

Pap.  C'(st  vmi. 

Young  W.  N  »  stranger  to  fishioi.able  })laces7 

Pap.  A'l  fad! 

Young  W.  Arqu;iinted  with  the  fashionable  figures  of  both  sexes'? 

Pap.    S 'tm  daate. 

Young  W.  Well,  then,  open  your  lecture;  and  d'.ve  hear,  Papillion,  as 
you  have  ihe  honor  to  be  ]);omoed  from  the  mortifying  condition  of' an 
liumble  valet  to  the  im()Oit.int  charae  of  a  piivate  tutoi-,  let  us  disraid 
all  distince  between  us ;  .•-ee  me  r--ady  to  si  ,ke  my  ihir.si  at  your  fomi- 
lain  of  kiiowlediie,  my  Magnus  Apollo, 

Pap.   Here,  ihen,  I  disclose  my  Helicon  to  my  poetical  pupil. 

Young  W.   Hey,  Papillion! 

Pap.  Sir? 

Y.-rxG  W.  What  is  thi.s  ?     Why,  you  speak  English  ? 

Pap.  Without  doub'. 

Young  W.  But  like  a  native! 

Pap.  Tt»  be  .'^ur.^. 


6  THE    LIAR. 

Young  W.  And  what  am  I  to  coiiclu'le  fiom  all  this  7 

Vap.  Loijicaliy  thus,  sir. — Whoever  speaks  pure  English  is  an  Eng. 
lislnnan  ;  I  speak  i)iue  EiisHsli,  ergo,  I  am  an  Englishman.  Tliere's  d, 
caiegorical  syllogism  lor  yon — nnjor,  minor,  and  consequence.  What, 
do  you  think,  sir,  that  while  you  were  busy  at  Oxford  I  was  idle  1  No, 
no,  no  ! 

YoDxa  W.  Well,  sir,  but  notwithstanding  your  pleasantry,  I  must  have 
this  matter  explained. 

Pap.  So  you  shall,  my  good  sir.  Then  you  are  to  know,  sir,  that  my 
former  .situation  has  been  rather  above  my  present  condition,  I  having 
once  sustained  the  dignity  of  snb-pr.'ceptor  to  one  of  those  cheap  j-ural 
ac  (demies  with  which  our  county  of  York  is  so  plentifully  stocked. 

Young  W.  But  why  thi?  disguise]     Why  renounce  your  country  ] 

Pap.  There,  sir,  you  make  a  little  mistake;  it  was  my  counLry  that 
renounced  rae ! 

Young  W.  Explain. 

Pap.  In  an  instant;  upon  quitting  the  school,  and  first  coming  to  town, 
I  got  recommende  I  to  the  C()m|)iler  <if  the  '  Monthly  Review." 

Young  W.   What;  an  author  too  1 

Pap.  Oil,  a  vohuninous  one  I  *  '  The  whole  region  of  the  belles 
lettres  fell  under  my  inspection  ;  physic,  divinity,  and  the  mathematics, 
my  mistress  managed  herself.  Tiiere,  sir,  like  another  Aristarch,  I  dealt 
out  fame  and  damnation  at  pleasure.  In  obedience  to  the  caprice  and 
commands  of  my  mastei-,  I  have  condemned  books  I  never  read,  and 
applauded  the  fidelity  of  a  translation  without  understanding  one  syl- 
lable of  the  orijiinal. 

'•  Young  W.  Ali  !  whv,  T  thought  acuteness  of  discernment  and  depth 
of  knowledge  were  necessary  to  accomplish  a  critic. 

"  Pap.  Yes,  sir;  but  n  t  a  monthly  one.  Our  method  is  very  concise. 
We  copy  the  title  page  of  a  new  book  ;  we  never  go  any  further.  If  we 
are  ordered  to  praise  it,  we  have  at  hand  about  ten  words,  which,  scat- 
tered t'lrough  as  many  i)eriods,  effectually  does  th3  business  ;  as,  '  laud- 
able design,  happy  arrangement,  spirited  language,  nervous  sentiment, 
elevation  of  thought  conclusive  argument.'  If  we  are  to  decrv,  then  we 
have,  '  unconnected,  fiat,  false,  illiheral,  stricture,  reprehensible,  unnat- 
U!al.'  And  tliiis,  sir,  we  pepper  the  author,  and  soon  rid  our  hands  of 
Lis  work. 

'•'  Young  W.  A  short  recipe  ! 

"  Pap.  And  yet,  sr,  you  have  all  the  miterials  that  are  necessary. 
These  are  t!ie  arms  w  th  which  we  engage  authors  of  every  kind.  To  ns 
all  subjects  arc  equal ;  p'ays  or  sermons,  i)oetry  of  politics,  music  or 
physic,  it  is  the  sam?  thinii. 

"  Young  W.   How  cm  me  you  to  lesitin  this  easy  employment  7 

"Pap.  It  would  not  answer.  Noiwithsiandins  w'iiat  we  siy,  people 
will  judge  for  themselves  ;  our  wo'k  hung  upon  hand."  But  ail  I  could 
get  tioiu  the  publisher  was  four  shillings  a  week  and  my  small  beer. 
Poor  pittance ! 

Young  W.   Poor,  indeed. 

Pap.  Oh!   half  starved  nip. 

Young  W.  "Wnat  was  youi-  n^xt  change? 

Pap.  I  was  mightily  i)nzzled  to  choose.  Some  would  have  me  turn 
player,  and  otiieis  Methodist  i»reacher;  but  as  I  had  no  money  to  build 
me  a  tabernacle,  I  did  not  think  it  could  answer;  and  as  to  player — 
whatever  might  happen  to  me,  I  was  determined  not  to  biing  a  disgrace 
upon  my  f  .uiily  ;   and  so  1  res  )Ive(l  to  turn  fo  )tman. 

*  The  parts  enclosed  thus  ('  ")  may  be  omitted. 


ACT    I.  7 

Young  W.  Wisely  resolved. 

Pap.   Yes,  sir — but  not  so  easily  executed. 

Young  W.  No  ! 

Pap.  Oil,  JU),  sir !  Many  a  weary  step  have  I  taken  after  a  place. 
Here  I  was  too  old,  there  1  was  too  young,  here  the  last  livery  was  too 
bi^r,  tlieie  it  was  too  liitle.  In  short,  I  was  quite  in  a  state  of  despair, 
when  chance  threw  au  old  friend  in  my  way,  that  quite  retrieved  ray 
affairs. 

VouNG  W.  Pray  who  might  he  be  ? 

Pap.  a  liLtie  bit  of  a  Swiss  genius,  who  had  been  French  r.sher  with 
nie  at  the  sanae  school  in  the  country.  I  opened  my  melancholy  story 
to  him  over  threepennyworth  of  beef-a-li-mode,  in  a  cellar  in  St.  James's. 
My  little  foreign  friend  puised  up  his  lanthorn  jaws,  and,  with  a  shiug 
of  contempt.  '•  Ah  !  inaitre  Jean,  votts  li'cwez  p'js  li  politique  ;  you  have  no 
fine<se  ;  to  thrive  here  you  must  study  the  folly  of  your  own  coun;ry." 
'•How,  jMonsieur  ?"  ''Tuiez-vous ;  keep-a-your  tongue.  Autrefois  I 
teach  you  >peak  French,  now  I  teach-a  you  to  forget  Englisli.  Go  vid 
me  to  ray  logement,  I  vil  give  you  proper  dress  ;  den  go  present  your- 
self to  de  same  hotels,  de  very  same  hou^e,  you  find  all  de  doors  dat  was 
shut  in  your  face  as  footman  Anylais^  vil  fly  open  demselves  to  a  French 
valet-de-chnmbre  .^'' 

Young  W.  Well,  Papillion  7 

Pap.  Gad!  sir,  1  thought  it  was  but  an  honest  artifice,  so  I  deter- 
mined to  follow  my  friend's  advice. 

Young  W.  Did  it  succeed  ? 

Pap.  Better  than  expectation.  My  tawny  face,  long  queue,  and 
broken  English,  was  a  passe-partout.  Besides,  when  I  am  out  of  place, 
this  disguise  procures  me  many  resources. 

Young  W,  As  how  1 

Pap.  Why,  at  a  pinch,  sir,  I  am  either  a  teacher  of  tongues,  a  friseur, 
dentist,  or  a  dancing  master ;  these,  sir,  are  hereditary  professions  to 
Frenchmen. 

Young  W.  But  let  us  sally.     Where  do  we  open  1 

Pap  Let  us  see— one  o'clock — it  is  a  fine  day;  the  Mall  will  be 
crowded. 

Young  W.  Allans ! 

Pap.  But  1  would,  sir,  crave  a  moment's  audience,  upon  a  subject 
that  may  prove  very  material  to  you. 

Young  W.  Proceed. 

Pap.  You  will  pardon  my  presumption  ;  but  you  have,  my  good  mas- 
ter, one  little  foible  that  I  could  wish  you  to  correct. 

Young  W.  What  is  it '? 

Pap.   An'^1  yet  it  is  a  pity,  too;  you  do  it  so  very  well. 

Young  W.  Pr'ythee  be  plain. 

Pap.   You  have,  sir,  a  lively  imagination,  with  a  most  happy  turo 
invpiuion. 

Young  W.  Weill 

Pap.  But  now  and  then,  in  your  narratives  you  are  hurried,  by  a  flow 
of  spirits,  to  border  upon  the  ira[)robable ;  a  little  given  to  the  mar- 
vellous. 

Young  W.  T  understand  you.  What,  I  am  somewhat  subject  to 
lying  1 

Pap.  Oh,  pardon  me,  sir,  I  don't  say  iha'  ;  no,  no,  only  a  little  apt  to 
embeliish,  that's  all.  To  be  sure  it  is  a  fine  gift,  that  there  is  no  dis- 
puting— but  men  in  general  are  so  stupid,  so  rigorously  attached  to 
matter  of  fact;  and  yet  this  talent  of  yours  is  the  very  soul  and  spirit 
of  poet  y  ;  and  why  it  should  not  be  the  same  in  prose  I  can't  for  my 
life  determine. 


8  THE    LI  All. 

YuDNG  W.  You  would  advise  m^,  then,  not  to  be  quite  so  poetical  in 
my  prose  ? 

Pap.  Why,  sir,  if  you  would  descend  a  liltle  to  the  grovelling  com- 
})reliensi()n  of  ihe  million,  I  think  it  would  be  as  well. 

Young  W.  I  believe  you  nve  riuht ;  but  we  shall  b.'  laie.  D'ye  hear, 
Pcipillion?  if  at  any  lime  you  find  me  too  poetical,  give  me  a  liiuL;  your 
advice  shan't  be  thrown  away  !  [Exeuur,  l    2  e. 

filter  Miss  Grantham,  Miss  Godfrey  and  Jons,  r.  u.  e. 

Mis  ;  Grantham.  John,  let  t'le  chariot  jro  round  to  Sprinn  Gardens. 
{Exit  John)  My  dear  Miss  Godfrey,  what  trouble  I  have  had  to  aeL  you 
•  lUi  ;  why,  you  are  as  tedious  ns  a  \ouii  mornina.  Do  you  know,  now, 
ihaL  ol  all  places  of  public  rendezvous,  I  honor  ihe  Park  ;  toi  ty  tlioii- 
sand  million  of  limes  preferable  to  the  playhouse!  Don't  you  lliink  so, 
my  deiir  1 

Miss  Godfrky.  They  are  both  well  in  iheir  way. 

Miss  Gr.  Way  ;  why  ihe  purpose  of  boih  is  tlie  same,  to  meet  com- 
j>any,  isu'i  it?  What,  d'ye  think  I  go  tlnre  lor  ihe  plays,  or  come  here 
for  iheliees?  ha,  ha  !  AVell,  tliat  is  well  enough;  but,  oh,  gemini !  1 
hecr  a  million  of  pardons  ;  you  are  a  prude,  and  have  no  lelish  for  the 
little  innocent  liberties  with  which  a  flue  woman  may  indulge  herself  in 
public. 

Miss  Go.  Liberties  in  public  ? 

Mrss  Gr.  Yes,  dear;  such  as  encorins  a  sonfT  f^t  an  opera,  interrupt- 
ing a  play  by  talking  louder  than  the  people  on  the  stage,  hallooing  to  a 
pretty  fellow  across  the  Mall  as  loud  as  if  you  were  calling  a  coach. 
"Why,  do  you  know,  my  dear,  that  by  a  lucky  stroke  in  dress,  and  a  few 
high  aiis  of  my  own  making,  I  have  had  he  good  fortune  to  be  gazed 
at  and  tollowtd  by  as  great  a  crowd  on  a  Sundiy  as  it  1  ^^as  the  Chinese 
ambassador. 

Miss  Go.  The  good  fortune,  ma'am?  Surely  the  wish  of  every  de- 
cent, woman  is  to  be  unnoticed  in  public. 

Miss  Gr.  Decent!  Oh,  my  dear  queer  creatuie,  what  a  phrase  have 
you  found  out  for  a  woman  of  fashion.  Decency  is,  child,  a  meie 
l)lebeian  quality,  and  fit  only  for  those  who  pay  court  lo  the  woiM,  and 
not  for  us  ti>  whom  the  world  pays  court.  Upon  my  woid.  you  must 
enlarge  your  ideas.  But,  as  I  was  saying — pray,  my  dear,  wliat  was  I 
saying  i 

Miss  Go.  I  p'ofess  I  don't  recollect. 

Miss  Gr.  Hey  !— Oh,  ah,  the  Park  !  One  great  reason  for  my  loving 
the  Park  is,  that  one  has  so  many  opportunities  of  creating  connect  ons. 

Miss  Go.  Ma'am  ! 

Miss  Gr.  Nay,  don't  look  grave ;  why,  do  you  know  tiiat  all  my  male 
friendships  are  formed  in  this  place? 

Miss  Go.  It  is  an  odd  spot ;  but  you  must  pardon  me  if  I  doubt  tie 
possibilitv. 

Miss  Gr  Oh,  I  will  convince  you  in  a  moment,  for  here  seems  to  be 
coming  a  good  smart,  fij[ure  that  1  don't  recoUec;.  I  will  throw  out  a 
lure,  [drops  her  Jiaiidker chief.') 

Miss  Go.  Nay,  for  heaven's  sake  ! 

Miss  Gr.   I  am  determined,  that  is 

Miss  Go.  You  will  excuse  my  withdrawing. 

Miss  Gr.  Oli,  please  yourself,  my  dear. 

[Miss  Godfrey  re'ires  hchind  trees,  r.  c 


ACT  I.  y 

Enter  Young  Wilding,  with  Papillion,  l.  2  e. 

Young  W.  Your  ladyship's  handkerchief,  ma'am. 

Miss  Gr-  I  am,  sir,  concerned  at  the  trouble. 

Young  W.  A  most  ha{)py  incident  for  me,  madam  ;  as  chance  has 
given  me  an  lionor  in  one  hicky  minute,  that  the  most  diligent  attention 
lias  not  been  able  to  procure  for  me  in  the  whole  tedious  round  of  a 
revolving  year. 

Miss  Gr.  Is  this  meant  to  me,  sir  ? 

Young  W.  To  whom  else,  madam  *?  Surely  you  must  have  marked 
my  respectful  assiduity,  my  ui)inlerrupCed  attendance;  to  plays,  operas, 
balls,  routs,  and  ridottos,  I  liave  pursued  you  liks  your  shadow.  I  have 
besieged  your  door  for  a  glimpse  of  your  exit  and  entrance  hke  a  dis- 
tressed creditor,  who  has  no  arms  against   privilege  but  perseverance. 

Pap.   {aside).  So,  now  he  is  in  for  it ;  stop  Iiim  who  can. 

Young  W,  In  short,  madam,  ever  since  1  quitted  America,  whicli  I 
take  no.v  to  be  about  a  year,  I  have  as  faitiifdlly  guarded  ihe  hve-long 
night,  your  ladyship's  portil,  as  a  sentinel  the  powder  magazine  in  a  for- 
tified city. 

Pap.  {rrsid^).  Q  litLed  Ara-^rica  !  well  pulled. 

Miss  Gr.   You  have  served  in  America  then  1 

fouNG  W.  Full  four  years,  ma  am;  an  I  during  that  whole  time,  not  a 
single  acLioii  of  consequence  but  I  liad  an  ofjportunity  to  signalize  my- 
self; and  I  think  I  may,  without  vanity  affim  I  did  not  miss  the  occa- 
sion.    You  have  heard  of  Quebec,  I  presume  7 

Pap.  {aside)    What  tlie  deuce  is  he  driving  at  now  1 

Young  W.  The  project  to  surp  ise  that  place  was  thought  a  happy 
exf)edieiit,  and  the  fii-st  mounting  the  breacli  a  gallant  exploit  ;  there, 
indeed,  the  whole  army  did  me  justice. 

Miss  Gr.  I  have  heard  ihe  honor  of  that  conquest  attributed  to  an- 
other name. 

Young  W,  The  mere  taking  the  town,  ma'am ;  but  that's  a  trifle ; 
sieves  now-a-days  are  leduced  to  certainties  ;  it  is  amnz  ng  how  minute- 
ly exict  we  who  know  the  business  are  at  calculation  :  for  instance, 
now,  we  will  suppos"?  the  Commander-in-chief,  addressing  himself  to 
me,  was  to  say,  '-Colonel,  I  want  to  reduce  that  fortress;  what  will  be 
the  expense?"  "  Wtiy,  please  your  highness,  the  reduction  of  that 
fortress  will  cost  you  one  thousand  and  two  live^,  sixtv-nine  legs,  ditto 
arms,  fourscore  fractures,  with  about  twenty  dozen  of  flesh  wounds." 

Miss  Gr.  And  you  shall  be  near  the  mark  % 

Young  W.  To  an  odd  joint,  ma'am.  But,  madam,  it  is  not  to  the 
French  people  alone  that  my  feats  are  confined;  Cherokees,  Catabaws, 
with  all  the  Aws  and  E.^s  of  the  continent  have  felt  the  force  of  my 
arms  1 

Pap.  {atide  to  Young  Wilding).  This  is  too  much,  sir  ? 

Young  W.  {aside).  Hands  off!  {aloud)  Nor  am  I  less  adroit  at  a  treaty, 
madam,  than  terrible  in  battle;  to  me  we  owe  the  f  i^^ndship  of  the 
Five  Nations,  and  I  had  the  first  honor  of  smoking  the  pipe  of  peace 
will)  the  Little  Ca-penler  ! 

Miss  Gk.  Is  it  possii)le'? 

Young  W.  This  gentleman,  though  a  Frenchman  and  an  enemy,  I  had 
the  fortune  to  deliver  from  the  Mohawks,  whose  jn-isoner  he  had  been 
for  nine  years.  He  gives  a  most  entertaining  account  of  their  laws  and 
customs;  he  shall  present  you  with  the  wampum-belt  and  a  scalping- 
knife.  Will  you  permit  him,  madam,  just  to  give  von  a  taste  of  the 
military  dance,  with  a  .short  specimen  of  their  warwho'op  ? 

Pap.  {aside  to  Young  Wilding).  For  heaven's  sake  ! 


10  THE    LIAR. 

Miss  Gk.  The  place  is  too  public. 

YoDNG  W.  Ill  short,  niiidain,  atier  having  gathered  as  many  laurels 
abroad  as  would  gani.sU  a  Goihic  ciLliedial  at,  Cliristmas,  I  returned  to 
reap  ihe  harvest  of  tlie  well-fouglit  Held  ;  here  it  was  my  good  fortune 
to  encounter  you;  then  was  the  victor  vanquished;  what  the  enemy 
could  never  acconiplisii,  your  eyes  in  an  instant  achieved ;  prouder  to 
serve  here  th.m  to  command  in  chief  elsewhere;  and  more  glorious  in 
wearing  your  chains  than  in  ti  iuniphing  over  the  vanquished  world  ' 

Miss  Gr.  (aside).  1  have  got  here  a  most  heroical  lover;  but  1.  ,>-ee  Sir 
James  Elliot  comin<r,  and  must  dismiss  him-  {aloud)  Well,  sir,  1  accept 
the  lender  of  your  passion,  and  may  find  a  time  to  renew  our  a<,quain- 
tance;  at  present,  it  is  necessary  we  should  separate. 

Young  W.  "  Slave  to  your  will,  1  live  but  to  obey  you."  But  may  I 
be  indulged  with  the  knowledge  of  your  residence  1 

Miss  Gr.  Sirl 

Young  W.   Your  place  of  abode. 

Miss  Gr.  Oh  !  sir,  you  can't  want  to  be  acquainted  with  that ;  you 
who  have  a  whole  year  stood  sentinel  at  my  ladyship's  portal. 

Young  W.  Madam,  I— I_I_ 

MioS  Gr.  Oil  !  sir,  your  servant ;  ha,  ha.  ha  !  What,  j'ou  are  caught ! 
Ha,  ha,  ha!  Well,  he  has  a  most  intrepid  assurance.  Adieu,  my  Mars. 
Ha,  ha,  ha!  [i>j7,  r.  2  e. 

Pap.   That  last  was  an  unlucky  question,  sir. 

Young  W.  A  little  mnl-a-propos,  I  must  confess. 

Pap  a  man  should  have  a  good  memory  who  deals  muc'.i  in  this 
poetical  piose. 

Young  W.  Pho !  I'll  soon  re-establish  my  credit.  But  I  must  know 
who  ibis  girl  is  ;  hark  ye,  Papillion,  could  not  you  contrive  to  pump  out 
of  her  fooim  n — 1  see  there  he  stands — the  name  of  his  mistress  ? 

Pap.  I  will  try.  [Exit,  r.  u.  e. — Wilding  retires  up  the  stage. 

Enter  Sir  James  Elliot  and  William,  l.  2  e. 

Sir  J.  Music  and  an  entertainment  1 

"William.  Yes,  sir.  •. 

Sir  J.   Last  night,  upon  the  water  1  -V 

WiL    Upon  the  water,  lastnigiit. 

Sir  J.  Who  oave  it  ] 

WiL.  That,  sir,  I  can't  sav. 

[Exit,  L. 
Enter  Papillion,  r.  u.  e. 

,  Young  W.  [coming  forward).  Sir  James  Elliot,  your  most  devoted. 

SrR  J,  Ah,  my  dear  Wilding,  you  are  welcome  to  town  ! 

Young  W.  You  will  ])ardon  my  impatience;  1  interrupted  you — you 
sepnied  upon  an  interesting  subject. 

Sir  J.  Oh,  an  affair  of  Hallantry. 

Young  W.  Of  what  kind  % 

Sir  J.  A  young  lady  regaled  last  night  by  her  lover,  on  the  Thames. 

Young  W.  As  how  \ 

Sir  J.  A  baid  of  music  in  boats. 

Young  W.  Were  they  good  performers  7 

Sir  J.  The  best;  then  conducted  to  Marble  Hall,  where  she  found  a 
masnificent.  collation. 

Young  W.  Well  ordered  ! 

Sir  J.  With  elegance.  After  supper  a  ball,  and  to  conclude  the 
night,  a  firework. 


ACT    I.  11 

YovsG  VV.  Was  ihe  last  well  designed  1 

Siu  J,  Superb  ! 

Young  W.  And  happily  executed  1 

Sir  J.  Not  a  aiugle  faux  pas. 

YoDXG  W.  And  you  don't  kuow  who  gave  it  1 

Sir  J.  I  can't  even  guess. 

Ygdxg  W.  Ha,  ha,  hal 

Sir  J.  Wliy  do  you  laugh  ? 

YoDXG  W.  Ha,  ha,  ha  !  It  was  me  I 

Sir  J.  You  1 

Pap.  You,  sir  ? 

Young  W.  Mot  meine  ! — rae  ! 

Pap.  So,  so,  so  ;  he  is  entered  again. 

Sir  J.  Why,  you  are  fortunate,  to  find  a  mistress  in  so  short  a  space 
of  time. 

Yodxg  W.  Short  1  Why,  man,  I  have  been  in  London  these  six 
weeks  1 

Pap.  (aside).  0  lord  !  0  lord  ! 

Young  W.  It  is  true,  not  daring  to  encounter  my  father,  I  have  rarely 
ventured  out  but  at  nights  ;  but  since  the  story  is  got  abroad,  I  will, 
my  denr  fiiend,  treat  you  with  all  the  particulars. 

Sir  J.  I  shall  hear  it  wiih  pleasure,  (nside)  This  is  a  lucky  adven- 
ture, but  he  must  not  know  he  is  my  rival. 

Young  W.  Why,  sir,  between  six  and  seven  mv  goddess  embarked  a 
Somerset  stairs,  in  one  of  ihe  city  companies'  barges,  gilt  and  hung 
Willi  damask,  expres>ly  for  the  occasion. 

Pap,  {asidt).  Mercy  on  us! 

Young  W.  At  the  cabin-door  she  was  accosted  by  a  beautiful  boy, 
who,  in  the  garb  of  a  Cupid,  paid  her  some  compliments  in  verse  of  m)' 
own  compo.>^ing;  tlie  conceits  weie  pretty;  alhisions  to  Venus  and  the 
sea — the  lady  and  the  Tii.imes — no  great  matter;  but,  however,  well- 
timed,  and  what  was  better,  well  taken. 

Sir  J.  Doubtless ;  from  the  poets  ! 
;  Pap.  (aside).  At  what  a  rate  he  runs  ! 

Young  W.  As  soon  as  we  gained  the  centre  of  the  river,  two  boats 
full  of  iruinpeis,  French  ho  ns^  and  oilier  martial  music,  struck  up  their 
spiighlly  strains  from  the  Surrey  side,  which  were  echoed  by  a  suitable 
number  of  lutes,  flutes,  and  oboes  from  the  opposite  shoie.  In  this 
slot",  the  oars  keeping:  time,  we  majestically  sailed  along,  till  the  arches 
of  the  new  bridge  gave  a  pause,  and  an  opportunity  lor  an  elegant  des- 
sert in  Dresden  china  hy  Ri)binson.  Here  the  repast  closed,  Nvith  a  few 
favorite  ;iirs  from  Eiiza,  Tenducci,  and  the  Mattel. 

Pap.  {aside).  Me:  cy  on  us ! 

Young  W.  Opposite  Lambeth  I  had  prepared  a  naval  engagement,  in 
which  Boscawen's  victory  over  the  Fi  ench  was  repeated  ;  the  action  was 
conducted  by  one  of  the  commanders  on  that  expedition  and  not  a 
single  incident  omitted. 

Sir  J.  Surely  you  exaggerate  a  little. 

Pap.  {aside).  Ye.s,  yes,  this  battle  will  sink  him. 

Young  W.  Tiu?  to  the  letter,  upon  my  honor!  I  shan't  trouble  you 
with  a  repetition  of  our  collation,  ba\\,feux  d'artifice,  with  the  thousand 
little  incidental  amusements  that  chance  or  design  produced;  it  is 
enough  to  know  that  a'l  that  could  flatter  the  senses,  fire  the  imagina- 
tion, or  gratify  the  expectation,  was  theie  produced  in  lavish  abun- 
dance. 

Sru  J.  The  sacrifice  was,  I  presume,  grateful  to  your  deity. 

Youko  W.  Upon  that  subject  you  must  pardon  my  silence. 


12  'iUE    LIAR. 

Pap.  (rtsiJe).  Modest  cieature  ! 

Sui  J.  1  wi^h  yvM  joy  of  yoiir  success.  For  the  present  you  will  ex- 
cuse' ni.*. 

YoUNo  W.   Nay,  but  stay  and  hear  the  corxlusion. 

iSiR  J.  F.>r  ihat  I  shall  seize  another  occasion.  [Hxit,  r. 

Pap.  N<il>ly  ()erfoiraed,  sir. 

YouNc.  W.'Yes.  1  iliink  liapp  ly  hit  off. 

Pap.   M  ly  1  lake  the  liberty  to  otter  one  question? 

Yoi'XG  \V.  Freely. 

Pap.  Pay,  sir,  iire  you  nfien  visited  wiih  these  waking  dreams  1 

Young  wV Dreams  !*  wliai  dost  mea.i  by  dreams  1 

Pap.  These  orrj.imenial  roveries,  these  frolics  of  fancy,  which,  in  the 
ju  liin  -nt  of  the  vuis  ir.  would  be  deemed  absolute  flams. 

Y^»DNG  W.  Why,  Papillion,  you  have  but  a  poor,  narrow,  circum- 
scr  bed  aenius. 

Pap.  I  must  own,  sir,  I  have  not  sublimity  sufficient  to  relish  tlie  full 
fiiv  of  your  Piidaric  muse. 

Young  W  No,  a  plebeian  soul  !  But  I  will  animate  thy  clay;  mark 
my  example,  follow  my  sie[)S,  and  in  lime  ihou  mayst  rival  thy  master. 

Pap.  Never,  never,  sir !  1  have  no  talent  to  fiiiht  battles  without 
bloA-.s,  and  yive  f'\asLs  tIla^  don't  cost  me  a  farthintr.  Beside^,  sir,  to 
what  purp  >se  are  all  ih  ?se  embellishmeuLs  ?  Why  tell  the  lady  you 
have  been  in  Loudon  a  year  1 

Y'lUNG  W.  Tiie  be'Ler  lo  i)!ea.l  the  length,  and  consequently  the 
sue  'ii  h  of  ray  passion. 

Pap.  Bill  wliy,  sir,  a  soldier? 

Y^oUNG  W.  How  little  thou  knowest  of  the  sex  !  What,  I  suppose 
th  -u  wouldst  have  me  a: lack  them  in  m)od  and  (iguie  by  a  pedantic, 
cl  issical  qu  )tation,  or  a  pompous  pirade  of  j  iriion  from  the  schools. 
W  lar,  d.)st  think  tint  women  are  to  be  got  l.ke  degrees  1 

Pap.  Niv,  >ir 

Young  \V.  No,  no;  the  snvoir  ricre  is  the  science  for  them  ;  the  m  n 
of  war  i<  tiieir  man;  they  must  be  laken  like  towns,  by  lines  of  aj)- 
poich,  counterscarps,  angles,  irenc'ies,  cohorns,  and  covert-ways; 
t-ien  eufer  sword  i;)  ha  id  pell-mell,  0  i,  how  ihey  melt  at  tlie  Gothic 
name-i  of  G-^n^ral  Swappinback,  Count  Rousomousky,  Prince  Montecn- 
rufi,  and  M  rsh  il  Fus  in'mrgli  !  Men  may  sav  what  they  will  of  iheir 
Ovid,  tlieir  P.'traici,  and  the.r  Waller,  but  111  inidrrtake  to  do  more 
business  by  the  si  mle  aid  of  ih>  L  )r.d-  n  Gazette,  than  by  all  the  si^h- 
ini,  (lyiUii,  cryiiig  c:otchets  t'lat  t  le  whole  race  of  rhymers  have  ever 
pi-odnc'd. 

Pap  Very  well,  sir,  tliis  is  nil  very  lively,  btit  remember  the  travel- 
liuii  pitcher.  If  you  don't  one  time  or  other,  uu'ler  favor,  lie  yourself 
into  some  confounded  scrape,  1  will  be  content  to  be  hanged. 

Young  W.  D  >  you  think  so,  Papillion  ?  And  whenever  that  happens, 
if  I  don  t  lie  myselr'  out  of  it'aiiain,  why.  then  I  will  be  content  to  be 
ciicitied.  {•'fops  shorty  l.)  Zounds.  h>^re  comes  my  father  !  Gad,  I  had 
like  to  have  run  into  the  old  irentlemans  mouth. 

Pap.  It  is  pi-eitv  n^ar  the  same  ihinz;  see,  sir,  he's  talking  to  Sir 
Jam  s  Elliot,  s(»  your  arrival  is  no  1  n2er  a  secret. 

Young  W.  Well,  then,  I  inu-;t  lose  my  pleasure,  and  you  your  prefer- 
ment;  I  mast  sub'uit  to  the  dull  decencv  of  a  sober  family,  and  you  to 
the  customary  duties  of  brushing  and  powdering.  But  1  was  so  flut- 
leivd  at  meeiina  my  father,  that  I  forgot  the  fair;  pr'ythee,  who  is  she? 

Pap.  From  her  footmati  I  learnt  her  name  was  Godfrey. 

Young  W.  And  her  fortune  1 

Pap.  Imm'^nse. 


ACT   I. 


13 


Young  W.  Single,  I  hope  ? 

Pap.  Certainly. 

Young  W.  Then  I  will  have  her. 

Pap.  What,  whether  she  will  or  uo  1 

YouxG  W.   Yej;. 

Pap.  How  will  yon  manage  thatl 

Young  W.  By  making  it  impossible  for  her  to  marry  any  one  else. 

Pap.  I  (loi.'t  luideisiaud  yon,  sir. 

Young  W.  Oh,  1  shull  only  liave  recourse  to  that  talent  you  so  might- 
ily admire.  You  will  see,  by  the  circulation  of  a  few  anecdotes,  how 
s  on  [  will  aeL  rid  of  my  rivals. 

Pap.  a  I  the  exjiense  of  the  lady's  reputation,  perliaps, 

Young  W.  That  will  be  as  it  happens. 

Pap.  And  have  you  no  qualms,  sir  ? 

Young  W.    Why,  where's  ihe  injury  ? 

Pap.  No  iijnry  to  ruin  her  fan)e  ? 

Young  W.  I  will  lestoie  it  to  her  again. 

Pap.   How? 

Young  W.  Turn  tinker  and  mend  it  myself. 

Pap.   Which  way? 

Young  W.  The  old  way;  solder  it  by  marriage ;  that,  you  know,  is 
the  ni'  de.n  salve  for  every  sore. 

Pap.   Here's  yoiw  father  again,  sir.     There's  no  escaping  him  now. 

Young  W.  TJie  de\il  !  Recover  your  broken  Eaglish,  but  preserve 
your  rank — I  have  a  reason  for  it. 

Uii/er  Wilding,  l.  2  e. 

Wilding    Oho!  j'our  .servant,  sir.     You  are  welcome  to  town. 

Young  W.  You  have  ju-t  prevented  me,  sir;  I  was  preparing  to  pay 
n)y  duty  to  you. 

Wild.  If  you  thought  it  a  duty,  you  should,  I  think,  have  sooner 
disc'ioTiied  i'. 

Y.^UNG  W.  Sir! 

AViLD.  Was  it  quite  so  decent,  Jack,  to  be  six  weeks  in  ta,:'n,  and 
coiice.il  your.>-e!f  only  from  m?  ? 

Young  W.  S  x  weeks  !  1  have  scarcely  been  six  hours. 

"Wild.  Coni'^,  c  'me,  I  am  bene.-  informed. 

Young  W.  Indeed,  sir,  you  are  imposed  upon.  This  gentleman  (first 
give  me  leive  to  hive  the  honor  of  introducing  him  to  you),  this,  sir,  is 
Die  Marquis  de  Chaie^ubrilliant,  of  an  ancient  liouse  in  Briitany  ;  who, 
travellii'ii  ihrouiih  England,  chose  to  raike  Oxford,  for  some  lime,  the 
l)'ace  of  his  lesidence,  where  I  had  the  happ'.ness  of  his  acquaintance. 

Wild.  Does  he  speak  English  1 

Young  W.  Not  fluentlv,  but  understands  it  perfectly. 

1'ap.  {nside  to  Young  Wilding).  Pray,  sir 

Wild.  Any  services,  sir,  that  1  can  render  you  here,  you  may  readily 
command. 

Pap.   Benucoiip  dlionneur. 

Young  W.  This  gentleman.  I  sav,  sir,  whose  quality  and  country  are 
sufficient  securities  for  his  veracity,  will  assure  you  that  yesterday  we 
lefi  Oxford  toge!h.^r. 

Wild.  Indeel. 

Pap.   Cent  vrai. 

Wild.  Th'S  is  fimazi-iii !  I  was  at  the  same  time  informed  of  another 
circiims'ance  too,  tha',  I  c 'iifess,  made  me  a  little  uneasy,  a.s  it  inter- 
lered  with  a  favur  te  scheaiO  of  mv  own. 


14  TUE    LI^R. 

Young  W.  Wliat  conlil  that  be,  pray,  sir  ? 

"NViLD.  Tliat  voii  had  conceived  a  violent  affection  for  a  fair  ladv. 

Young  W.  Sir! 

AViLD.  And  had  given  her  ve;y  gallant  and  very  expensive  proofs  of 
your  passion. 

Young  W.  Me,  sir  ? 

Wild.  Particularly  last  night;  music,  collations,  balls,  and  fire- 
works. 

Young  W.  Monsieur  le  Marquis  !  And  pray,  sir,  who  could  tell  you 
all  tills  1 

Wild.  An  old  friend  of  yours. 

Young  W,  His  name,  if  you  please. 

Wild.  Sir  James  Elliot. 

Young  W.  Yes,  I  thought  he  was  the  man. 

Wild.  Your  reason  ? 

Young  W.  Wliy,  sir,  though  Sir  James  Elliot  has  a  great  many  good 
qualiiies,  and  is,  upon  the  whole,  a  valuable  man,  yet  he  has  one  fault 
which  has  long  determined  me  to  drop  his  acquaintance. 

Wild.  What  may  that  be  ? 

You.NG  W.  Why  you  can't,  sir,  be  a  stranger  to  his  prodigious  skill  in 
the  traveller's  talent. 

Wild.  How'? 

YoDNG  W.  Oh,  notorious  to  a  proverb.  His  friends,  who  are  tender 
of  his  fame,  glos.^  over  his  foible,  by  calling  him  an  agreeable  novelist  ; 
and  so  he  is,  wiLli  a  vengeance.  Wiiy,  he  will  tell  you  more  lies  in  an 
liour  than  all  the  circulating  libraries  put  together  wiil  publish  in  a 
year. 

Wild.  Indeed  ! 

Young  W.  Oii,  he  is  the  modern  Mandeville  ;  at  Oxford  he  was  al- 
ways distinguished  by  the  fdcetiou-i  np[)ellation  of  "  the  Bouncer." 

Wild.  Amazing! 

Young  W.  Lord,  sir,  he  is  so  well  understood  in  his  own  county,  that 
at  the  last  Hereford  assize,  a  cause  as  clear  as  the  sun  was  absolutely 
thrown  away  by  his  beii]g  merely  mentioned  as  a  witness. 

Wild.  A  strange  turn. 

Young  W.  Unaccountable.  But  there  I  think  they  went  a  little  too 
far  ;  for  if  it  had  come  to  an  oath,  I  don'I  think  he  would  have  bounced 
neither;  but  in  common  occurrences  there  is  no  repeating  after  him. 
Indeed,  my  great  reas(.n  for  dropping  him  was  that  my  credit  began  to 
be  a  little  suspected  too. 

Pap.  Poor  gentleman ! 

Wild.  Wi)y,  I  never  heard  this  of  him. 

Young  W.   That  may  be;  but  can  there  be  a  stronger  proof  of  his 
practice  tiiaii  the  flam  he  has  been  telling  you,  of  fireworks,  and  iieaven 
knows  what  1     And  I  dare  swear,  sir,  he  was   very  fluent  and  florid  iu 
his  description. 
^  Wild.  Extremely. 

"^  Young  W.  Yes,  that  is  just  his  way  ;  and  not  a  syllable  of  Li'uth  from 
tlie  beginning  to  the  ending,  eh,  marquis  1 

Pap.  0  1,  dat  is  all  a  fiction,  upon  mine  honor. 

Young  W.  You  see,  sir. 

Wild.  Clearly  ;  I  really  can't  help  pitying  the  poor  man.  I  have 
heard  of  people  who,  by  long  habit,  became  a  kind  of  constitutional 
liars. 

Young  W.  Your  observation  is  just;  that  is  exactly  his  case. 

Pap.  (aside).  I'm  sure  it  is  yours. 

Wild.  Well,  sir,  I  suppose  we  shall  see  you  this  evening  7 


ACT    I.  15 

Young  W.  The  marquis  has  an  appointment  with  some  of  his  coun- 
trymen, which  I  have  promised  to  attend  ;  besides,  sir,  as  he  is  an  en- 
tire stranger  in  town,  he  may  want  my  Httle  services. 

Wild.  Where  can  I  see  you  in  about  an  hour  1  I  have  a  short  visit 
to  malce  in  wliicli  you  are  deeply  concerned. 

Young  W.  1  shall  attend  your  commands,  but  where  1 

Wild.  Wiiy,  h^re.     Marquis,  I  am  your  obedient  servant. 

Pap.    Voire  servi'eiir  ties  humble.  [Exit  Wildtng,  r. 

Young  W.  So,  Papillinn,  that  difficulty  is  dispatched.  I  think.  I  am 
even  wih  Sir  James  for  his  tattling. 

Pap.  Most  ingeniously  managed,  but  are  not  you  afraid  of  the  conse- 
quence ? 

Young  W.  I  do  not  comprehend  you. 

Pap.  a  future  explanation  between  tlie  parties. 

Young  W.  That  may  embarrass,  but  the  day  is  distant.  I  warrant  I 
wi  1  bring  myself  ofE 

Pap.  It  is  in  vain  for  me  to  advise. 

Young  W.  Why,  to  say  truth,  I  do  begin  to  find  my  system  attended 
with  danger.     Give  me  your  hand,  Papillion,  I  will  reform 

Pap.  Ah,  sir ! 

Young  \V  I  positively  will.  Why,  this  practice  may,  in  time,  destroy 
my  credit. 

Pap.  {aside).  That  is  pretty  well  done  already,  {aloud)  Ay,  think  of 
that,  sir. 

Young  W.  Well,  if  I  don't  turn  out  the  merest  dull  mntter-of-fact  fel- 
low.— But,  Papillion,  I  must  scribble  a  billet  to  my  new  flame.  I  think 
her  name  is 

Pap.  Godfrey  ;  her  fatlier,  an  India  governor  shut  up  in  tlie  strong 
room  at  Calcutta,  left  her  all  his  wealth  ;  she  lives  n  ar  Miss  Grantham, 
by  Grosvenor  square. 

Young  W,  A  governor! — Oh  ho!— Bushels  of  rupees  and  pecks  of 
pagod  IS,  I  reckon.  Well,  I  long  to  be  rummaging.  But  the  old  gen- 
tleman will  soon  return;  I  will  hasten  to  finish  my  letter.  But,  Papil- 
lion, what  could  my  father  mean  by  a  visit  in  which  I  am  deeply  con- 
cei  nt-d  1 

Pap.  I  can't  guess. 

Young  W.  I  shall  know  presently.  To  Miss  Godfrey,  formerly  of  Cal- 
cutta, now  residing  in  Grosvenor  square.  Papillion,  I  won't  tell  her  a 
word  of  a  lie. 

Pap.  You  won't,  sir  ? 

Young  W.  No;  it  would  ba  ungenerous  to  deceive  a  lady.  No;  I 
wi  1  be  open,  candid,  and  sincere. 

Pap.  And  if  you  are,  it  will  be  the  first  time.  [Exit,  l.  2  e. 

Enter  Miss  Grantham  and  Miss  Godfrey.  , 

Miss  Go,  And  you  really  like  this  gallant  spark  1 

Miss  Gr.  Prodigiously!  Oh,  I'm  quite  in  love  with  his  assurance! 
I  wonder  who  he  is  ;  he  can't  have  been  long  in  town.  A  young  fellow 
of  his  easy  impudence  nmst  have  soon  made  his  w^ay  into  the  best  of 
company. 

Miss  Go.  By  way  of  amusement,  he  may  prove  no  disagreeable 
acquainance  ;  but  you  can't  surely  leave  any  designs  upon  him  "? 

Miss  Gr.   Indeed  but  1  have. 

Miss  Go.  And  poor  Sir  James  Elliot  is  to  be  discarded  at  once  1 

Miss  Gk.  Oh,  no  ! 

Mi^s  Go.  What  is  your  intention  in  regard  to  him  I 


16  THE    LIAli. 

Miss  Gr.  Hey  ?— I  can't  tell  you.  Perhaps,  if  I  don't  like  Ibis  nev) 
man  belter,  1  may  marry  him. 

Miss  Go.  Tiiou  art  a  slraiiiie,  giddy  girl 

Miss  Gi:.  Qiiiie  the  reverse!  a  perfect  pattern  of  prudence;  why, 
would  you  have  me  less  carelul  of  my  person  than  my  pu:se  1 

Miss  G>.  Mv  dear? 

Miss  Gr.  Why,  1  say,  dear,  my  fortune  beins;  in  money,  T  have  some 
in  Ind  a  bonds,  some  in  the  bank,  some  on  this  loan,  some  on  the  oilier! 
so  that  if  one  fu;,(l  fails,  1  have  a  sue  resource  in  the  rest. 

Miss  Go.  Very  true. 

Miss  Gk.  Weil,  my  dear,  just  so  I  manage  my  love  affairs;  if  I  should 
not  like  this  man — if  lie  should  not  liiie  me — if  we  should  quarrel — if  if 
— or  in  short,  if  any  of  the  ifs  should  happen  which  you  know  break 
engagements  every  day,  why,  by  this  raeai.s  I  shall  be  never  at  a  loss. 

Miss  Go.  Quite  provident.  Well,  and  pray  on  how  many  different 
securities  have  you  at  present  placed  out  your  love  ? 

Miss  Gk.  Three.  The  sober  Sir  James  Elliot ;  the  new  America  man  ; 
and  this  morning  I  expect  a  formal  proposal  from  an  old  friend  of  my 
father. 

Miss  Go.  Mr.  "Wilding  1 

Miss  Gr.  Yes ;  but  J.  don't  reckon  much  upon  him,  for  you  know,  my 
dear,  what  can  1  do  with  an  awkward,  raw  college  cub  1  Though,  upon 
second  thoughts,  that  mayn't  he  too  bad  neither,  for  as  I  must  have  the 
fashioning  of  him,  he  may  be  easily  moulded  to  oue's  mud. 

Unter  Old  Wilding,  r.  u.  e. 

Wild.  Ladies,  your  servanr.  I  have  just  called  at  your  houso,  but 
was  ti>ld  I  sliould  tlnd  you  in  the  park.  I  wait  n[)on  you,  madam,  wiili 
a  request  from  my  son  that  he  may  be  permilied  the  honor  of  kissing 
your  hand. 

Miss  Gr.  Your  son  is  in  town,  then  1 

Wild.  He  came  last  niizht,  ma'am  ;  and  though  but  just  from  the 
universiiy,  I  thii.k  I  may  venture  lo  affirm  with  as  little  the  air  of  a 
pe lani  as 

Miss  Gr.  I  don't,  Mr,  Wilding,  question  the  accomplishments  of  your 
son  ;  and  shall  o.Mi,  too.  that  his  being  de  cended  from  the  old  friend  of 
mv  f iiher  is  to  me  the  strongest  recommend iiion. 

Wild.  You  honor  nie,  madam. 

Miss  Gr.  Bu',  sir,  I  have  something  to  say. 

Wild.  Pray,  mad  im,  speak  out;  it  is  impossible  to  be  too  explicit  on 
thes^  iniporiant  occasions. 

Miss  Gr.  But  you  know,  sir,  there  are  such  things  in  nature  as  unac- 
countable antipaihies,  aversions,  that  we  take  at  first  sight.  I  should  be 
glad  there  c'juld  be  no  danger  of  that. 

Wild.  I  understand  yon,  madim.  You  shall  have  all  the  satisfaction 
imaginable.  Jack  is  to  meet  me  immedintely.  He  is  here  close  at 
hand,  and  1  will  iniroduce  him  at  once;  and  if  his  figure  has  the  misfor- 
tune lo  displease,  I  will  take  care  his  addresses  shall  never  offend  you. 
Your  most  obed  ent  servant.  [Exit,  l. 

Miss  Gr.  Now  there  is  a  polite,  sensible  old  father  for  you  ! 

Miss  Go.  Yes  ;  and  a  very  discreet,  prudent  daughter  he  is  likely  to 
have.     Oh,  you  are  a  great  hypocrite,  Kitiy  ! 

£nter  John,  l,  2  e. 

John.  A  letter  for  you,  madam,  {to  Miss  Godfrey.) 


ACT    I.  17 

Miss  Gr.  Lord,  here  comes  Sir  James  Elliot.  He  seems  entirely 
wrapt  up  in  the  dismals ;  what  can  be  the  matter  now  1 

Enler  Sir  James  Elliot,  r.  u.  e. 

Sir  J.  In  passing  by  your  door,  1  look  the  liberly,  madam,  of  inquir- 
inji  alter  your  health. 

Miss  Gr.  Very  obliging.  I  hope,  sir,  you  received  a  favorable 
account. 

Sir  J.  I  did  not  know  but  you  might  have  caught  cold  last  night. 

Miss  Gr.  Cold  1  why,  sir,  I  hope  1  didn't  sleep  with  my  bed  chamber 
window  open. 

Sir  J.  Madam! 

Miss  Git.  Sir  ! 

Sir  J.  No,  madam  ;  but  it  was  rather  hazardous  to  slay  so  late  npon 
the  wale'-. 

Miss  Ga.  Up  )n  the  water  ! 

Sir  J.  Not  but  the  variety  of  amusements,  it  must  be  owned,  were  a 
sufficient  lenipLation. 

Miss  Gr.  What  can  lie  be  driving  at  now  %  {aside.) 

SiK  J.  And  pray,  madam,  what  think  you  of  young  Wilding  1  Is  he 
not  a  gay,  agreeable,  sprightly 

Miss  Gr.  I  never  give  my  opinion  of  people  I  don't  know. 

Sir  J.  You  don't  know  him  ! 

Miss  Gr.  No. 

Sir  J.  And  his  father,  did  he  not  just  leave  you  1 

Miss  Gr.  Most  likely  he  did. 

Sir  J.  I  am  glad  you  own  that,  however.  But  for  the  son  yon 
never 

Miss  Gr.  Set  eves  upon  him. 

Sir  J.  Really  l' 

Miss  Gr.  Really. 

Sir  J.  Finely  supported  !  Now,  mndim,  do  you  know  that  one  of  ns 
is  just  going  to  make  a  very  ridiculous  figure  ? 

Miss  Gi4.  Sir,  I  never  had  the  least  doubt  of  your  talents  for  excelling 
in  that  way. 

Siu  J.  Madam,  yon  do  me  honor  ;  but  it  does  not  happen  to  fall  to 
my  h)t  upon  this  occasion,  however. 

Miss  Gu.  And  that  is  a  wonder  ! — what,  then  I  am  to  be  the  fool  of 
the  couipdy,  1  suppose  1 

Sir  J.  Admirably  rallied  !  But  I  shall  dash  the  spirit  of  that  trium- 
})h  ini  laugh. 

Miss  Gr.  I  dare  the  attack.     Come  on,  sir. 

Sir  J.  Know  then,  and  blush,  that  I  am  no  stranger  to  last  night's 
transactions. 

Miss  Gr.   Indeed  ! 

Sir  J.  From  vdur  first  entering  the  barge  at  Somerset  House,  to  your 
last  Ian  ling  at  Wiiiiehall. 

Miss  Gr.   Surprising  ! 

Sir  J.  Cu[)i  Is,  collation.*!,  feasts,  fiiewoiks,  all  have  reached  me. 

Miss  Gr.  Wny,  you  deal  in  magic. 

Sir  J.  My  intelligence  is  as  naiural  as  it  is  infallible. 

Miss  Gr.  May  1  be  indulged  with  the  name  of  your  informer? 

Sir  J.  Only  the  very  individual  spark  to  whose  folly  you  were  indebted 
for  this  gallant  |)rofiision. 

Miss  Gr.   But  his  name  1 

Sir  J.   Toung  Wilding. 


18  THE    LIAK. 

Miss  Gr.  Vou  hrid  tliis  story  from  him? 

Sir  J.  1  liatl. 

Miss  Gu.   From  Mr.  Wilding! — that  is  amazing. 

Sir  J.  Oil  lio  !  what,  you  are  cjiifouuded  at  last;  and  no  evasion,  no 
subLetfuge,  no • 

Miss  Gr.  Loolc  ye,  Sir  James;  what  you  can  mean  by  this  strange 
story,  and  very  extraordinary  behavior,  it  is  impossible  forme  to  con- 
ceive; but  as  you  curt  expect  that  I  should  be  prodigiously  pleased 
with  ihe  subjeci  of  ihis  visit,  you  wou'l  be  surprised  at  my  wishuig  it  as 
short  as  possible. 

Sir  J.  I  don't  wonder  you  feel  pain  at  my  presence;  but  you  may 
rest  secure;  you  will  !iave  no  interruption  for  me,  and  I  really  think  it 
would  be  a  p  ty  to  part  two  people  j-o  exactly  foimed  for  each  olher. 
Your  la<lyship's  servant,  (^going)  But,  raadim,  though  your  sex  securer 
you  from  any  further  lesentment,  yet  the  present  object,  of  your  favor 
may  have  something  to  fear.  [Exit,  l.  u.  e. 

Miss  Gr.  Yeiy  well.  Now,  ray  dear,  I  hope  you  will  acknowledge 
the  prudence  of  my  plan  ;  to  what  a  pretty  condition  I  must  liave  been 
re  luce. 1  if  my  hopes  had  lested  upon  one  lover  alone! 

Miss  Go.  And  you  never  saw  Wilding'? 

Miss  Gr.  Never. 

Miss  Go.  There  is  some  mystery  in  this.  I  have,  too,  here  in  my 
hand,  another  mortification  that  you  must  endure. 

Miss  Gr.  Of  what  kind? 

Miss  G  ).  A  little  allied  to  the  last;  it  is  from  the  military  spark  you 
met  this  morning. 

Miss  Gr.  What  are  the  contents'? 

Miss  Go.  Only  a  formal  declaration  of  love. 

Miss  Gr.  Why,  you  did  not  see  him. 

Miss  Go.  But  it  seems  he  did  me. 

Miss  Gr.  Might  I  peruse  it? — "  Battles— no  wounds  so  fatal— can- 
non-balls— Cupid — spring  a  mine — cruelty — die  on  a  counterscarp — eyes 
— artille:-y — death — The  Siranger."     It  is  addressed  to  you. 

Miss  Go.  I  told  you  so. 

Miss  Gr.  You  will  pardon  me,  my  dear,  but  I  really  can't  compli- 
ment you  upon  the  supposition  of  a  conquest  at  my  expense. 

Miss  Go.  That  would  be  enough  to  make  me  vain.  But  why  do  you 
think  it  was  so  impos>ib!e  "? 

Miss  Gr.   And  do  you  positively  want  a  reason  1 

Miss  Go.  Positively. 

Miss  Gr.  Why,  then,  T  shall  refer  you  for  an  answer  to  a  faithful 
counsellor  and  most  accomplished  critic. 

Miss  Go.   Who  may  that  be? 

Miss  Gr.  The  mirror  u{)on  your  toilet. 

Miss  Go.  Perhaps  you  may  differ  in  judgment. 

Miss  Gr.  Why,  can  glasses  flatter'? 

Miss  Go.  I  can't  say  I  think  that  necessary. 

Miss  Gr.  Saucy  enough  !  But  come,  dear,  don't  let  us  quarrel  upon 
so  whimsical  an  occasion,  lime  will  explain  the  whole.  You  will  favor 
me  witJi  your  op'.nion  of  young  Wilding. 

Miss  Go.  Here  he  comes  with  his  father. 

Miss  Gr.  You  will  forgive  me,  my  dear,  the  little  hint  I  dropt ;  it 
was  meant  merely  to  serve  you,  for  indeed,  dear,  there  is  no  quality  so 
insufFerdble  in  a  woman  as  self-c.>nceit  and  vanity. 

Miss  Go.  You  are  most  prodigiously  obliging  ! 

Miss  Gr.  Pert  thing!  She  grows  immoderate  ugly.  I  always 
thoU4ht  her  awkwad,  but  she  is  now  an  absolute  fright ! 


ACT    I.  19 

Miss  Go,  As  I  live,  llio  very  individual  stranger ! 
Miss  Gk.  No,  sure!     Oh,  let  rae  have  a  peep! 
Miss  Go.  It  is  hw  !   [they  retire  behind  trees,  u.  2  e.) 

Enter  Widding,  Young  Wilding,  atid  V apillw^  ,  l. 

Wild.  There,  Marquis,  you  must  pardon  me,  for  though  Paris  be* 
more  compact,  yet  surely  London  covers  a  much  greater  quanLiiy. 
Well,  Jack,  what  do  you  say  to  my  project,  you  rogue,  you  1  a  fine  giil, 
and  an  immense  fortune ;  ay,  and  a  prudent  sensible  wencli  into  ihe 
bargain. 

Young  W.  Time  enough  yet,  sir. 

Wild.  I  don'L  see  that ;  you  are,  lad,  the  last  of  our  race,  and  I 
should  be  "lad  to  see  some  probability  of  its  continuance. 

Young  W.  Suppose,  sir^  you  were  to  repeat  your  endeavors  ;  you  have 
coidially  my  consent. 

Wild.  No;  rather  too  late  in  life  for  that  expeiiment. 

Young  W.  V/hy,  sir,  would  you  recommend  a  condition  to  me  that 
you  disapprove  of  yourself? 

Wild.  Why,  sirrah,  I  hive  done  my  duty  to  the  public  and  ray  family 
by  producing  you.  Now,  sir,  it  is  incuiubeni  on  you  to  discharge  your 
debt. 

Young  W.  In  the  college  cant,  [  shall  beg  leave  to  tick  a  little 
loniier. 

Wild.  Whj',  then,  to  be  serious,  son,  this  is  the  very  business  I  want- 
ed to  talk  with  you  about.  In  a  word,  I  wish  you  mirried  ;  and,  by 
providing  the  lady  for  the  purpose,  I  have  proved  mj'self  both  a  father 
and  a  friend. 

Young  W.  Far  be  it  from  me  to  question  your  care,  yet  some  prep- 
aration for  so  important  a  change 

Wild.   Oh.  I  will  allow  you  a  week. 

Young  W.  A  little  more  knowledge  of  the  world. 

Wild.  That  you  may  study  at  leisure. 

Young  W.  Now,  alf  Europe  is  in  arms,  my  design  was  to  serve  my 
country  abroad. 

Wild.  You  will  be  full  as  useful  to  it  by  recruiting  her  subjects  at 
home. 

Young  W.  You  are  then  resolved  "i 

Wild.  Fixed. 

Young  W.  Positively! 

Wild.  Peremptorily. 

Youn'g  W.  No  prayers 

Wild.   Can  move  me. 

Young  W.  {aside).  How  the  deuce  shall  I  get  out  of  this  t  )il  7  (aloud) 
But  suppose,  sir,  there  should  l)e  an  insurmountable  objection  1 

Wild.  Oh,  leave  the  reconciling  that  to  me  ;  I  am  an  excellent  casu- 
ist. 

Young  W.  But  I  say,  sir.  if  it  should  be  impossible  to  obey  your 
commands  1 

Wild.  Impossible  1     I  don't  understand  you. 

Young  W.  Oh,  sir!  But  on  my  knees  first  let  me  crave  your  par- 
don. 

Wild.  Pardon  !  for  what  7 

Young  W.  I  fear  I  have  lost  all  title  to  your  future  favor.  . 

Wild.  Which  way 7  -  "'  ^ 

Young  W.  I  have  done  a  deed 

Wild.  Let's  hear  it. 


20  THK     LFAK. 

YouNO  W.  At  Abingdon,  in  the  county  of  Berks. 

Wild.   Well  ? 

Young  W.  I  am 

Wild.  What^ 

Young  W.  Already  married. 

Wild.  Mairied  I 

Pap.  Married! 

Yodng  W.   Married  ! 

Wild.  And  without  my  consent  ? 

Young  W.  Compelled — fatally  forced.  Oh,  sir,  did  you  bul  know  all 
the  clrciimsLances  of  my  sad,  sad  story,  your  rage  would  soon  converl 
itself  to  piiy. 

Wild.  What  an  unlucky  event !     But  rise,  and  let  me  hear  it  all. 

Young  W.  The  shame  and  confusion  I  now  feel  renders  that  ta>k  at 
present  impossible;  I  must,  therefoie,  rely  for  the  relation  on  the  good 
offic?s  of  this  faithful  friend. 

Pap.  Me,  sir?     I  never  heard  one  word  of  the  matter. 

Wild.  Come,  .Maiqnis.  lavor  me  with  the  particular.s. 

Pap.  Upon  ray  void,  saie,  dis  alfair  has  so  shock  me,  dat  I  am  almost 
as  incapable  to  tell  de  tale  as  your  son.  {to  Young  Wilding)  Dry-a  your 
tears  ;   what  can  I  say,  sir  ] 

Young  W.  Anything  !     Oh  !   {weeps  extravagantly.) 

Pap.   You  see,  sare. 

Wild.  Your  kind  concern  at  the  misfortunes  of  my  family  calls  for 
the  mu^t  grateful  acknowledgment. 

Pap.  D.s  is  great  misfortune,  sans  doute. 

Wild.  But  if  vou,  a  stranger,  are  thus  aflfected,  what  must  a  father 
feel  1. 

Pap.  Oh,  heaucoup ;  a  great  deal  more. 

Wild.  But  since  the  evil  is  without  a  remedy,  let  us  know  the  worst 
at  once  ;  well,  sir,  at  Abingdon  % 

Pap.  Yes,  at  Abingdon. 

Wild.  In  tlie  county  of  Berks. 

Pap.  D  it  is  riuht,  in  the  county  of  Berk"?. 

YuuNG  W.  Oh,  oh! 

Wild.  Ah,  J.ick,  Jack !  are  all  my  hopes,  then — Though  I  dread  to 
ask,  yet  it  must  be  known ;  who  is  tlie  girl,  i)ray,  sir  % 

Pap.  De  girl,  sir  ?  {a-ide  to  Young  Wildingj  Who  shall  I  say,  sir  1 

Young  W.  Anybody. 

Pap.  For  de  girl,  I  can't  say,  upon  my  vard. 

Wild,  H  n*  condition  1 

Pap.  Pas  grand  condition;  dat  is  to  be  sure;  but  dere  is  no  help. 
{aside  to  Young  Wilding)  Sir,  I  am  quire  aground. 

^V'ILD.   Yes,  I  re  id  my  shame  in  his  reserve —  ome  artful  hussy. 

Pap.  Dit  may  be.     Vat  you  call  hussy  '? 

Wild.  Or  perhaps  some  common  creature  ;  but  I'm  prepared  to  hear 
tl»e  worst. 

Pap.  Have  you  no  mercy  7 

Young  W.  I'll  st^^p  to  your  relief,  sir. 

Pap.  0  Lonl,  a  happy  dehverance  ! 

Yt)UNG  W.  Thonsh  it  is  al!ac.st  death  to  speak,  yet  it  would  be  infi- 
nious  to  let  the  reputation  of  the  lady  suffer  t)y  my  silence.  She  is,  sir, 
of  nn  fincieiit  house  and  unble;nished  character. 

Wild.  That  is  something. 

Young  W.  And  though  her  fortune  may  not  be  equal  to  the  warm 
wishes  of  a  find  f  ither,  yet 

Wild.  Her  name"? 


ACT    I. 


21 


Young  W.  Mi^s  L;  dia  Svbthoip. 

AViLD.  Sybiliuip?  1  never  l.eaid  of  tlie  name;  but  proceed. 

Young  W.  Tlie  h.t-er  end  of  last  long  vacation,  1  went  with  Sir  James 
Ellioi  to  pass  a  few  days  at  a  new  puichise  of  his  near  Abingdon. 
Tlieie,  at  an  assembly,  it  was  my  chance  to  meet  and  dance  with  this 
ladv. 

Wild.  Is  she  handsome  1 

Young  W.  On   sir,  more  beautiful  llian  Venus  ! 

Wild.  Nay,  no  raptures;   but  go  on. 

Young  W.  But  lo  her  beauty  she  adds  politeness,  aflf  bility,  and  dis- 
ci eiion;  unless  sh3  forieited  that  character  by  fixing  her  affections  on 
me. 

Wild.  Modestly  observed. 

Young  W.  I  was  deterred  from  a  public  declaration  of  my  passion, 
dreading  the  scantine.-~s  of  her  fortune  would  prove  an  objection  to  you. 
Some  private  interviews  she  permitted. 

Wild.  Was  that  so  decent  1 — But  love  and  prudence,  madness  and 
reason. 

Young  W.  One  fatal  evening,  the  twentieth  of  September,  if  I  mistake 
not,  we  were  in  a  retired  room,  innocently  exchanging  mutual  vows, 
when  her  father,  whom  we  expected  to  sup  abroad,  came  suddenly  upon 
us.     I  had  just  time  to  conceal  myself  in  a  closet 

Wild  W.  What,  unobserved  by  him  ? 

Young  W.  Entirely.  But  as  my  ill  stars  would  have  it,  a  cat,  of 
whom  my  wife  is  vastly  fond,  had  a  few  days  before,  lodged  a  litter  of 
kittens  in  the  same  place;  I  unhappily  trod  upon  one  of  the  brood; 
which  so  proVi)ked  the  implacable  mother,  that  she  flew  at  me  with  the 
fury  of  a  tiger. 

Wild.  I  have  observed  those  creatures  very  fierce  in  defence  of  their 
young. 

Pap.  I  sliall  hate  a  cat  as  long  as  I  live  ! 

Young.  The  noise  roused  the  old  gentleman's  attention  ;  he  opened  the 
door,  and  there  discovered  your  son. 

Pap.  Unlucky. 

Young  W.  I  rusjied  to  the  door ;  but  fatally  my  foot  slipt  at  the  top 
of  the  stairs,  and  down  I  came  tumbling  to  the  bottom.  The  pistol  in 
my  hand  went  oil  by  accident;  this  alarmed  her  three  brothers  in  the 
parlor,  who,  with  all  their  servants,  rushed  with  united  force  upon  me. 

Wild.  And  so  sur[)riseil  you? 

Young  W.  No,  sir;  with  my  sword  I  for  some  lime  made  a  gallant 
defence,  and  should  have  inevitably  escaped  ;  but  a  raw-boned,  over- 
grown clumsy  cook-wei,ch  struck  at  my  sword  with  a  kitchen  poker, 
broke  it  in  two,  and  compelled  me  to  surrender  at  discretion  ;  the  con- 
sequence of  which  is  obvious  enough. 

Wild.  Natural.  The  lady's  reputation,  your  condition,  her  beauty, 
your  love,  all  combined  to  make  marriage  an  unavoidable  measure. 

Young  W.  May  1  hope,  then,  you  rather  think  me  unfortunate  than 
culpxble  ? 

Wild.  Why,  your  situation  is  a  sufficient  excuse ;  all  I  blame  you  for 
is  your  keeping  it  a  secret  from  me.  With  Miss  Grantham  I  shall  make 
an  awkward  figure  ;   but  tlie  best  apology  is  the  truth. 

Young  W.  Certainly,  sir;  for  truth  may  be  blamed,  though  it  cannot 
be  shamed — for,  as  Harry  Hotspur  said,  '"'  Oh,  while  you  live,  tell  truth 
and  shame  the  devil." 

Wild.  Well,  well  ;  I'll  hasten  and  explain  it  to  her  all— Oh,  Jack, 
Jack,  this  is  a  mortifying  business  ! 

Young  W.  Most  melancholy.  [Exit  Wilding,  l. 


J^L  THE    LIAU. 

Pap.  I  am  amazed,  sir,  that  you  have  so  carefully  concealed  this 
transaction  from  me. 

Young  W.  Heyday  !  what,  do  you  believe  il  too  \ 

Pap.  Believe  it !  why,  is  not  the  sLory  of  h'j  marriage  true? 

Young  W.  Not  a  syllable. 

Pap.  And  the  cat,  and  the  pistol,  and  tb*-  poker  % 

Young  W.  All  invention.     And  were  yo^r  real  y  taken  in  % 

Pap.  Lord,  sir,  how  was  it  possible  tc  avoid  it  1  Mercy  on  us,  what  a 
collection  of  circumstances  have  you  'Jrowded  together  ! 

Young  W.  Genius,  the  mere  eferit^  of  genius,  Papiliion  ;  but  to  de- 
ceive you,  who  so  thorou2hly  kno^t'  if>3  ! 

Pap.  But  to  prevent  that  for  the  future,  could  you  not  just  give  your 
humble  servant  a  liint  when  'Jxu  are  bent  upon  bouncing  ]  Besides, 
sir,  if  you  recollect  your  fiieci  '.esoiution  to  reform 

Young  W.  Ay,  as  to  n'^^^ier  of  fancy,  the  ni'^re  sport  and  frolic  of  in- 
vention ;  but  in  case  of  necessity — why,  Miss  Godfrey  was  at  s.ake, 
and  I  was  forced  to  use  a-li  my  finesse. 

Enter  a  Servant,  b. 

Servant.  Two  leltors,  sir.  [Exit,  r. 

Pap.  There  r>i'e  two  things,  in  my  conscience,  my  master  will  never 
want — a  prr-mpt  lie,  and  a  ready  excuse  for  telling  it. 

Young  ^'A .  Hum  !  business  besins  to  thicken  upon  us ;  a  challenge 
from  Sir  James  Elliot,  and  a  rendezvous  from  the  pretty  Miss  Godfrey, 
They  shall  both  be  observed,  but  in  their  order;  therefore  the  lady 
firot.  Let  me  see — 1  have  not  been  twenty  hours  in  t  )w:i,  and  I  have 
ahsady  got  a  challenge,  a  mistress,  and  a  wife;  now,  if  I  can  get  e  i- 
gaged  in  a  Ciancery  suit,  I  shall  have  my  hauls  prettv  full  of  employ- 
ment.    Come,  Papiilion,  we  have  no  time  to  be  idle.     [Exeunt,  r.  2  e. 


ACT  IL 


SCENE. — An  Apartment  in  Miss  G  'DFREy's  House,  in  od  grooves.   Screen, 

R.  c. 

Discover  Miss  Grantuaji  and  Miss  Godfrey,  r. 

Miss  Go.  Upon  my  word,  Miss  Grantham,  this  is  but  an  idle  p'ece  of 
curiosity;  you  know  the  man  is  already  disposed  of,  and  theretore 

Miss  Gr.  That  is  true,  my  dear,  but  there  is  in  this  affair  some  mys- 
tery that  I  must  and  will  have  explained. 

Miss  Go.  Come,  come,  I  know  the  grievance;  you  caii't  brook  that 
this  spark,  though  even  a  married  man,  sliould  throw  off  his  allegiance 
to  you,  and  enter  a  volunteer  in  my  service. 

Miss  Gr.  And  so  you  take  the  fact  for  granted  1 

Miss  Go.  Have  I  not  his  letter  1 

Miss  Gr.  Conceited  creature  !  I  fancy,  miss,  by  your  vast  affection 
for  this  letter,  it  is  the  fi:  st  of  the  kind  you  have  ever  received. 

Miss  Go.  Nay,  my  dear,  why  should  you  be  piqued  at  me"?  the  fault 
is  none  of  mine ;  I  dropt  no  handkerchief,  I  threw  out  no  lure,  the  bird 
came  willingly  to  hand,  you  know. 

Miss  Gr.  Metaphorical  too!     What,  you  are  setting  up  for  a  wit  as 


ACT  I.  23 

well  as  a  belle!  Why,  really,  madam,  to  do  you  justice,  you  have  full 
as  fine  pretensions  to  one  as  lUe  oilier. 

Miss  Go.  I  fancy,  madam,  the  world  will  not  form  their  judgment  of 
either  from  the  report  of  a  disappointed  rival. 

Miss  Gr.  Rival!  admirably  rallied!  But  let  me  tell  you,  madam, 
this  sort  of  behavior,  madam,  at  your  own  house,  whatever  may  be  your 
beauty,  is  no  great  proof  of  your  breeding,  madam. 

Miss  Go,  As  to  that,  madam,  I  hope  I  shall  always  show  a  proper  re- 
sentment to  any  insult  that  is  offered  me,  let  it  be  in  whose  house  it 
will ;  ihe  assignation,  madam,  both  time  and  place,  was  of  your  own 
contriving. 

Miss  Gr.  Mighty  well,  madam  ! 

Miss  Go.  But  if,  dreading  a  mortification,  you  think  proper  to  alter 
your  plan,  your  chair,  I  believe,  is  in  waiting. 

Miss  Gr.  It  is,  madam  ;  then  let  it  wait !  Oh,  what !  that  was  your 
scheme!  but  it  wou'l  take,  miss,  the  contrivance  is  a  litile  too  shallow. 

Miss  Go.  I  don't  understand  you. 

Miss  Gr.  Cunning  creature!  so  all  this  insolence  was  concerted,  it 
seems ;  a  plot  to  drive  me  out  of  the  house,  that  you  might  have  the 
fellow  all  to  yourself;  but  I  have  a  regard  for  your  character  though 
you  neglect  it.  Fie,  miss,  a  passion  for  a  married  man !  1  really  blush 
for  you. 

Miss  Go.  And  I  sincerely  pity  you.  But  curb  your  choler  a  little  ; 
the  inquiry  you  are  abtut  to  make  requires  rather  a  cooler  disposition 
of  mind;  and  by  this  time  the  hero  is  at  hand. 

Miss  Gr.  Mighty  well;  I  am  prepared.  But,  Miss  Godfrey,  if  you 
really  wish  to  be  acquitted  of  all  artificial  underhand  dealings  in  this 
affiir,  suffer  me  in  your  name  to  mnnage  the  interview. 

Miss  Go.  Most  willingly.  {Enter  John,  ivho  whispers  to  Miss  Godfrey) 
It's  he ! 

Miss  Gr.  Then  hide  yourself,  miss,  if  you  please.  Here,  behind  the 
screen. 

Enter  Young  Wilding,  l. 

Young  W.  This  is  the  temple,  and  there  is  my  goddess  herself— Miss 
Godfrey.     Am  I  right  ? 

Miss  Gr.  You  received  my  letter  I  see,  sir. 

Young  W.  Ami  flew  to  the  appointment  with  more 

Miss  Gr.  No  raptures,  I  beg.  But  you  must  not  suppose  this  meeting 
meant  to  encourage  your  hopes. 

Young  W.  How,  madam  1 

Miss  Gr.  Oh,  by  no  means,  sir  ;  for  though  I  own  your  figure  is  pleas- 
ing, and  your  conversation 

Miss  Go.  Hold,  miss ;  when  did  I  ever  converse  with  him  7  {from 
within.) 

Miss  Gr.  Why,  did  you  not  see  him  in  the  Park  ? 

Miss  Go.  True,  madam ;  but  the  conversation  was  with  you. 

Miss  Gr.  Bless  me !  you  are  very  difficult.  I  say,  sir,  though  your 
person  mav  be  unexceptionable,  yet  your  character 

Young  W.  My  character  ! 

Miss  Gr.  Come,  come,  you  are  better  known  than  you  imagine. 

Young  W.  1  hope  not. 

Miss  Gr.  Your  name  is  Wilding. 

YoDNG  W.  How  tlie  deuce  came  she  by  that ! — True,  madam. 

Miss  Gu.  Pray,  have  you  never  heard  of  a  Miss  Grantham  ] 

YouNO  W.  Frequently. 


24  THE    LIAR. 

Miss  Git.  Yoii  have.  And  had  you  never  any  favorable  thoughts  of 
thai  lady  ? 

Young  W.  If  you  mean  as  a  l.jver,  never.  The  lady  did  me  the  honor 
to  have  a  small  desisjn  upon  m?. 

Miss  Go.  I  hear  every  word,  miss. 

Miss  Gr.  I  have  been  told,  sir,  that 

Young  \V.  Yes,  madam,  and  very  likely  by  the  laJy  herself. 

Miss  Git.  Sir! 

YouxG  W.  Oh,  madam,  I  iiave  another  obligation  in  my  pocket  to 
Miss  Gra'ilham,  wliich  must  be  discharged  in  the  morning. 

Miss  Gii.   Of  what  kind  1   (rises.) 

Young  VV.  Why,  the  lady,  finding  an  old  humble  servant  of  hers  a  lit- 
tle lethargic,  has  thought  fit  to  administer  me  in  a  jealous  draught,  in 
order  to  quicken  his  passion. 

Miss  Gr.  Sir,  let  me  tell  you 

Miss  Go.  Have  a  care  ;  you  will   betray  yourself. 

Y'ouNG  \V.  Oh,  the  whole  story  will  afford  you  infinite  diversion  ;  such 
a  farrago  of  sights  and  feasts  and  fireworks.  But  upon  my  honor,  the 
girl  has  a  fertile  inveniion. 

Mrss  Gr.  Every  syllable  false. — But,  sir,  we  have  another  charge 
against  you.     Do  you  know  anytliing  of  a  lady  at  Abingdon  1 

Young  W.  Miss  Grantham  again.  Yes,  madam,  i  have  some  knowl- 
edge of  that  lady. 

Miss  Gr.  You  have  1  Well,  sir,  and  that  being  the  case,  how  could 
you  have  the  assurance 

Young  W.  A  moment's  patience,  madam. — That  Indy,  that  Berkshire 
lady,  will,  I  cm  assure  you,  prove  no  bar  to  my  hopes. 

Miss  Gr.  How,  sir;   no  barl 

Y^juxg  W.  Not  in  the  least,  madam  ;  for  that  lady  exists  in  idea  only. 

Miss  Gk.  No  such  person  ! 

Young  W.  A  mere  creature  of  the  imagination. 

Miss  Gr.  Indeed  ! 

Young  W.  The  attacks  of  Miss  Grantham  were  so  powerfully  enforced, 
too,  by  paternal  authority,  that  1  had  no  method  of  avoiding  the  blow, 
but  by  the  sheltering  myself  under  the  conjugal  shield. 

Miss  Gr.  But  how  am  I  to  credit  the  asseriion  1 

Young  W.  Nay,  madam,  surely  Miss  Godfrey  shou'd  not  accuse  me 
of  a  crime  her  own  charms  have  occasioned.  Could  any  other  motive, 
but  the  fear  of  losing  her,  prevail  on  me  to  trifle  with  a  father,  or  compel 
me  to  infringe  those  laws  which  I  have  hitherto  so  inviolably  observed  1 

Miss  Gil.  What  laws,  sir  ? 

YoUxVg  W.  The  .^acred  laws  of  truth,  madam. 

Miss  Gr.  There,  indeed,  you  did  yourself  an  infinite  violence.  But, 
when  the  whole  of  the  affair  is  discovered,  will  it  be  so  easy  to  get  rid 
of  Miss  Grantham  1  The  violence  of  her  passion,  and  the  old  gentle- 
man's obstinacy 

Young  W.  Are  nothing  to  a  mind  resolved. 

Miss  Gr.  Poor  Miss  Grantham  ! 

YouxG  W.  Do  you  know  her,  madam? 

Miss  Gr.  I  have  heard  of  her ;  but  you,  sir,  I  suppose,  have  been 
long  on  an  intimate  footing  1 

Young  W.  Bred  up  together  from  children. 

Miss  Gu.  Brave  ! — Is  she  handsome  ? 

Young  W.  Her  paint  comes  from  Paris,  and  her  femme  de  chambie  is 
an  excellent  artist. 

Miss  Gr.  Very  well!— Her  shape? 


ACT  ir.  2o 

YocNo  W.  Prav,  iiiaduii,  is  not.  Cuiz>'H  e^Lcemed  the  best  stay-maker 
for  jH'Oiile  iiic  med  u>  l^e  cinoked  ? 

Miss  Gij.  Biu  as  lo  the  qualities  of  her  luiud  j  ior  instance,  her  under- 
siaii.liiii  I 

Youya  W.  Uiictiliivated. 

AJiss  Gi{    Her  wit? 

YdUXG  W.   Bui  rowed. 

Miss  Gr,  Her  lasted 

Young  W.  Trifling. 

Miss  Gii.    And  her  t'^mperl 

Young  W.  Intolerable. 

Miss  Gr.  A  fiiii.-hed  ])icture.  But  come,  tliese  are  not  your  real 
thou  ihis  ;   this  is  a  sacrifice  you  think  due  to  ihe  vanity  of  our  sex. 

YocxG  W.  My  honest  senliuients  ;  and  lo  convince  you  how  ihorou^h- 
ly  iiriiff'-rent  I  am  lo  that  lady,  I  would,  uixm  my  vi-raciLv,  as  soon  take 
a  wife  from  ihe  Grai.d  Seignior's  seriiglio. — Now,  madam,  I  liope  you 
are  sati>fie(h 

Miss  Gh.  And  you  woulil  not  scruple  to  acknowledge  this  before  the 
lady's  ficp  1 

Young  W.  The  first  opportunity. 

Miss  Gu.  That  I  will  lake  care  to  provide  you. — Dare  you  meet  her 
here  ] 

Young  W.  When  1 

Miss  Gr.   In  half  an  h  )ur. 

Young  W.   But  won't  a  declaration  of  this  sort  aopear  odd  at — n 

Miss  Gn.  Come,  i;o  evasion  ;  I  must  insist  on  tliis  proof  at  least 
of 

YouxG  W.   You  sliall  have  it. 

Miss  Gk.   In  half  an  hour  ? 

YouxG  W.  This  instant. 

Miss  Gr.  Be  punctual. 

Young  W.  Or  may  1  forfeit  your  favor.  [Exi/,  l 

Miss  Gr.  Yery  well;  till  then,  sir,  adieu,  (nside)  Now  I  ihink  I  Iw.ve 
my  spark  in  the  toils  ;  and  if  the  fellow  has  any  fei^ling,  if  I  don't  m  ike 
him  smar.;  for  every  aiticle — ^(o  Miss  Godfrey)  C"me,  my  deai-,  I  shall 
stand  in  need  of  your  aid.  JSxit,  h 

Enter  John,  l  ,  showing  in  Wilding. 

John.  T  will  let  my  lady  know,  sir.-- Sir  James  Elliot  is  in  Ihe  next 
r.  om,  w,ni  ing  for  her. 

AViLD.  Pray,  honest  friend,  will  von  tell  Sir  James  that  1.  beg  the  favor 
of  a  w..rd  with  him?  {Exit  John)  This  un-hinkiiii  boy!  Half  ihe  pur- 
pose of  my  lile  has  been  to  pUn  this  scheme  for  his  happiness,  and  in  one 
heedless  hour  has  he  mangled  a  1. 

EntiT  Sir  James  Elliot,  l. 

Sir,  I  ask  youi"  pardon  ;  but  upon  so  interesting  a  subject,  I  know  you 
will  excuse  n)y  inMusion.  Pray,  sir,  of  wiiat  credit  is  tlie  family  of 
llip  SvbLhoips  in  B-rkshire  1 

SiRJ.   Sir! 

Wild  1  don't  mean  as  to  property ;  that  I  am  not  so  solicitous  about ; 
but  as  to  their  character.  Do  they  live  in  reputation  1  Are  they  respect- 
ed in  the  neighborhood  ? 

Sir  J.  The  familv  of  the  Syb'horps? 

Wild.  Of  the  Syb.liops. 


26  THE    LIAK. 

Sir  J.  Really,  I  don't  know,  i>\v. 

Wild.  NuL  know  ? 

Siu  J.  No  ;  it  is  tiie  very  first  time  I  ever  heard  of  the  name. 

"VViLn  {"Side).  How  sie.idily  lie  denies  it;  well  done,  Baronet !  I  find 
Jack's  account  Wi.s  a  jii.-t  one.  {nloud)  Prav,  Sir  James,  recollect  vour- 
self. 

Sir  J.   It  will  be  to  i;o  purpose. 

Wild.  Come,  sir,  your  raoiive  for  this  aff.-cted  ignorance  is  a  i^ener- 
ous  but  unnecessary  proof  of  your  friendship  for  my  son  ;  but  I  know 
the  whole  jifFair. 

Sir  J.    What  aff'air'? 

Wild.  Jack's  marriage. 

Sir  J.   Whit  Jnckl 

AViLD.  My  son  Jack. 

Sir  J.  Is  he  married  1 

Wild.  Is  he  married  ?  why,  you  know  he  is. 

Sir  J.  Not  I,  upon  my  honor. 

AViLD.  Nay,  that  is  goinjr  a  little  too  far ;  but  to  remove  all  your 
scruples  at  once,  he  has  owned  it  himself. 

Sir  J.  He  has  ! 

Wild.  Ay,  ay,  to  me  ;  eve  }■  circum'^tance — :Toing  to  your  new  pur- 
chase at  Abinsidon — uieetinLT  Lydia  Syl»tliorp  at  the  assembly — their 
private  interviews — suipri  ed  by  ihe  father — pistol — poker — and  mar- 
riage ;  in  short,  every  paticular. 

Sir  J.  And  this  account  you  had  from  your  son  ? 

Wild.   From  Jack — not  iwo  hours  ago. 

Sir  J.  1  wish  you  joy,  sir. 

Wild.  Not  much  of  thit,  I  believe. 

Sir  J.  Why,  sii-,  does  the  maniige  dsplease  you  ? 

W^iLD.   Doubtless. 

Sir  J.  Then  I  fai.cy  vou  mav  make  yourself  easy. 

Wild.   Why  so? 

Sir  J.  You  have  got,  sir,  the  most  prudent  dAughter-i:i-law  in  the 
Bri'ish  dominions. 

Wild.  1  am  hap{)y  to  hear  it. 

Sir  J.  For  though  she  mayn't  have  brought  you  much,  I'm  sure 
she'll  not  cost  you  a  farthing. 

Wild.  Ay.  exacily  Jack's  account. 

Sir  J.  She'll  be  easily  joiniuved. 

Wild.  Justice  shall  be  d(  ne  her. 

Sir  J.  No  provision  nece-sary  for  younger  child.en. 

Wild.  No,  sir;  wiiy  not?  I  can  tell  you,  if  she  answers  your  ac- 
count, not  the  daughter  of  a  duke 

Sir  J.  Ha,  ha,  ha,  ha  ! 

Wild.  You  are  merry,  sir. 

Sip.  J.  What  an  unaccountab'.e  old  fellow! 

Wild.  Sir  ! 

Sir  J.   I  beg  your  pardon,  sir ;  but  with  le^iard  to  this  marriage 

Wild.  Well,  sir! 

Sir  J.  I  take  the  whole  history  to  be  neither  more  nor  less  than  an 
absolute  f  ible. 

Wild    How,  sir ! 

Sir  J.  Even  so. 

Wild.  Wiiy,  sir,  do  you  think  my  son  would  dare  to  impose  upon 
me  1 

Sir  J.  Si'-,  he  would  dare  to  impose  upon  anybody.  Don't  I  know 
him  ] 


ACT  ir.  27 

Wild.  What  do  you  know  7 

Sir  J.  I  know,  sir,  that  his  narratives  gain  him  more  applause  than 
ciediL,  and  that,  whether  from  constitution  or  habit,  there  is  no  believ- 
ing a  syllable  he  says. 

Wild.  Oh,  mighty  well,  sir!  {aside)  He  wants  to  turn  the  tables  upon 
Jack,  but  it  won't  do.  You  are  forestalled — your  novels  won't  pass  up- 
on me. 

Sir  J.  Sir  ? 

AViLD.  Nor  is  the  character  of  my  son  to  be  blasted  with  the  breath 
of  a  b,)uticer. 

Sir  J.   Wliat  is  this? 

Wild.  No,  no,  Mr.  Mandeville,  it  won't  do ;  you  are  as  well  known 
here  as  in  your  own  couniy  of  Hereford. 

Sir  J.  Mr.  Wilding,  but  that  I  am  sure  this  extravagant  behavior 
owes  iis  rise  to  some  impudent  impositions  of  your  sun,  your  age  would 
scarce  prove  your  protection. 

Wild.  Nor,  sir,  but  that  I  know  my  boy  equal  to  the  defence  of  his 
own  honor,  should  he  want  a  protector  in  this  arm,  withered  and  impo- 
tent as  you  may  think  it 

Enter  Miss  Grantham,  r. 

Miss  Gr.  Bless  me,  gentlemen,  what  is  the  meaning  of  this  1 

Sir  J.  No  more  at  present,  sir;  I  have  another  demand  upon  your 
son  ;   we'll  settle  the  whole  together. 

Wild.  I  am  sure  he  will  do  you  justice. 

Miss  Gr.  How,  Sir  James  JEUiot ;  must  I  be  the  eternal  object  of 
your  outrage?  not  only  insulted  in  my  own  person,  but  in  that  of  my 
fiifnds  !     Pray,  sir,  what  riglit 

Wild.  Madam,  I  ask  your  pardon  ;  a  disagreeable  occasion  brought 
me  here.  I  come,  madam,  to  renounce  all  hopes  of  being  nearer  allied 
to  you,  my  son,  unfortunately,  being  married  already. 

Miss  Gr.   Mai-ried  ! 

Sir  J.  Yes,  madam,  to  a  lady  in  the  clouds  ;  and  because  I  have  re- 
fused lo  acknowledge  her  f  unily,  this  old  gentleman  has  behaved  in  a 
manner  very  inconsistent  with  his  usual  politeness! 

Wild.  Sir,  1  thought  this  alrair  w..s  to  be  reserved  for  another  occa- 
sion;  but  you,  it  seems 

Miss  Gr.  Oh,  is  that  the  business  !  Why,  1  begin  to  be  afraid  that 
we  are  here  a  little  in  the  wrong,  Mr.  Wilding. 

Wild.  Madam  ! 

Miss  Gr.  Your  son  lias  just  confirmed  Sir  James  Elliot's  opinion. 

Wild.  Is  it  possible  7 

Miss  Gii.  Most  true ;  and  assigned  two  most  whimsical  motives  for 
the  unacconniable  tale. 

Wild.  What  can  they  be? 

Mips  Gr.  An  aversion  for  me,  whom  he  has  seen  but  once,  and  an 
affection  for  Miss  Godfrey,  whom,  I  am  almost  sure,  he  never  saw  in  his 
life. 

Wild.  You  amaze  me. 

Miss  Gr.  Ind-'ed,  Mr.  Wilding,  your  son  is  a  most  extraordinary 
youth  ;  he  has  finely  peri)!oxed  us  all.  I  think.  Sir  James.,  you  have  a 
small  ol»ligation  to  him. 

Sir  J.  Wnich  I  shall  take  care  to  acknowledge  the  first  opportunity. 

Wild.  You  have  my  consent.  An  abindoned  profligate  7  Was  his 
father  a  proper  subj-^ct  for  his— but  I  discard  him. 


28  THK     LIAK. 

Miss  Gr.  Nay,  now,  sentlpraeii,  y^n  nre  ratlipr  too  warm ;  I  can't 
tliink  iMr.  Wililing  hard-he.uied  al  llie  botlora.     This  is  a  levity. 

Wild.  How,  iiiudaiii,  a  leviiy  ] 

Miss  Gr.  Take  my  word  for  it,  no  mote;  inflimed  into  Imb't  by  the 
approbation  of  Ids  juvenile  f  ieiids.  Will  you  submit  bis  punishment  to 
lue "?  I  think  I  have  the  means  in  my  hands  both  to  satisfy  your  resent- 
men's  and  accomplisli  his  cure  into  the  b;iro;iiii. 

SiH  J.  I  have  no  quarrel  to  him,  but  fur  the  ill  offices  he  has  done  me 
with  you. 

Miss  Gu.  D'ye  hear,  Mr.  Wilding'?  I  am  afraid  my  opinion  with  Sir 
James  must  cpment  the  general  peace. 

Wild.  Madatn,  I  submit  to  any 

Enter  JoHJf,  L. 

JoHX.   iNIr.  Wilding  to  w^it  upon  you,  madam.  [Exit,  l. 

Miss  Gr.  He  is  punctual,  I  find.  Come,  good  folks,  you  all  act  un- 
der my  diieciion  ;  jou,  sif,  will  get  from  your  son,  by  what  means  you 
think  fit,  the  leal  tru'th  of  the  Abingdon  business;  you  must  likewiso 
seeminijly  consent  to  his  marriage  with  Miss  Godfrey,  whom  I  shrewdy 
suspect  he  has,  by  some  odd  accident,  mistaken  for  me ;  the  lady  her- 
self shall  appear  at  your  call.  Come,  Sir  James;  nay,  no  ceremony,  we 
must  be  as  busy  as  bees,        [ExU  Miss  Grantham  and  Sir  James,  ii. 

Wild.  This  strange  boy  ! — but  I  must  command  my  temper. 

Enter  Young  Wilding,  l. 

Young  W.  [ns  he  enters).  People  to  speak  with  me  7  See  what  they 
want,  Papiliion.     My  father  here]  that's  unlucky  enough  ! 

"Wild.   Hi,  Jack,  what  btinos  you  here  7 

Young  W.  Why,  I  thuugiit  it  my  duty  to  wait  up  m  Miss  Grantham  in 
order  to  make  her  some  apology  for  the  1  ile  unfornitiale 

Wild.  Well,  now,  that  is  prudently  as  well  as  politely  done. 

Young  W.  1  am  happy  to  meet,  sir,  with  your  approbation. 

Wild.  I  have  been  thinking,  Jack  about  my  daughier-in-law  ;  as  the 
afF.iir  is  pub  ic.  it  is  not  decent  to  let  her  continue  longer  at  her  father's. 

Young  W.  Sir! 

Wild.   Would  it  not  be  right  to  send  for  her  home  1 

Young  W.  Doubtless,  sir. 

Wild.  I  think  so.     Why,  then,  to-morrow  my  chariot  shall  fetch  her. 

Yf»UNG  W.  [aside).  The  devil  it  shall  I  {nloud)  Not  quite  so  soon,  if  you 
plea-;e,  sir. 

Wild.  No  !     Why  not  1 

Young  W,  The  journey  may  be  dangerous  in  her  present  condition. 

Wild.  Whai's  the  mater  with  her? 

Young  W.  She  is  in  an  interesting  situation. 

Wild.   An  au  laciou.s That  is   lortunale.     But,  however,  an    easy 

cariiaiie  and  short  stages  ci.'t  iinrt  her. 

Young  W.  Paidon  me,  sir,  I  dare  not  trust  her ;  she's  so  very 
delicate. 

Wild.  Nay,  then,  there  may  be  danger  ind'ed.  But  should  not  I 
write  to  her  father,  just  to  let  him  know  that  you  hive  discovered  the 
seci-et  ? 

Young  W.  By  all  means,  sir;  it  will  make  him  extremely  hapi)y. 

Wild.  Wny,  then,  I  will  instauLly  about  it.  Pray,  how  do  you  direct 
to  him  7 

TouNG  W.  Abingdon,  Berkshire. 


ACT  ir.  29 

Wild.  True  ;  but  liis  address  ? 

VouNCr  W.  Yoii  need  iioL  t ouble  yourself,  sir;  I  shall  v/riLe  by  this 
post  in  my  »i:e,  and  will  send  your  I-Ller  eiiclosevl. 

Wild.  Av,  nv,  tual  wdi  di>.  {going.) 

Young  W.  S>),  I  have  |  arritd  iliaL  thrust. 

Wild.  Though,  upon  second  ihougliLs,  Jack,  that  will  rather  look  too 
faniiliar  for  an  iniro  luctory  letter. 

Young  W.  Sir? 

Wild.  And  the.se  country  gentlemen  are  fu'l  of  punctilios. — No,  I'll 
send  !.iin  a  letter  apart;  so  (jive  me  his  direction. 

Young  W.   You  liave  it,  sir. 

AViLD.  Ay,  but  his  nam.';  I  have  been  so  hurried,  that  I  have  entirely 
foi'sot  it. 

Young  W.  I  am  sure  so  liave  I.  (aside)  His  name — his  namej  sir — 
Hoplcins. 

Wild.  Hopkins  ! 

Young  W.  Y.  s,  sir,— H,  0,  P,  K,  T,  N,  S. 

Wild.  Tiiai  is  not  Uie  same  n:ime  that  you  gave  me  before  1 

Young  W.  Oh,  1  beg  your  i)ardon,  sir. — Hi !  ha!   ha  ! 

Wild.  Why,  what  are  you  laugiiing  at,  sir? 

Young  W.  Ai  the  idea  of  your  not  ahowing  me  to  know  the  name  of 
my  own  wile's  father. 

Wild.  I  care  nuihiiig  for  tliat,  sir  !  That  was  not  the  name  you  gave 
mo  before  ;  it  was  more  like — If  1  recollect — either  Sypthorp,  or  Syb- 
ihrop. 

Young  W.  You  are  nglil,s:r;  that  is  his  paternal  appellation;  but 
the  name  of  liopk^n.  he  took  for  an  estaie  of  his  motiier's;  so  he  is  indi  - 
criniinaiely  called  Hopkins  or  Sybthorp ;  and  now  1  recollect  I  have  his 
letter  in  my  pocket — he  signs  hiins  If  Sybtlioip  Hopkins. 

Wild.  Td.  re  is  uo  end  to  this;  I  must  st  >p  him  at  once.  Hark  ye, 
sir,  I  t'link  you  ate  ca'led  my  son  1 

Young  W.  I  hop^,  sir,  you  have  no  reason  to  d  >ubt  it. 

Wild.  And  hn-k  upon  yourself  as  a  gentleman  7 

Young  W.  In  having  the  honoi-  of  descending  from  you. 

Wild.  And  tliat  you  think  a  sufficient  pretensi  ^n  ] 

Young  W.  Sir — pray,  sir 

Wild.  And  hy  what  means  do  you  imagine  your  ancestois  obtained 
that  distincru'shing  title?     By  their  pre-eminence  ia  virtue,  I  supposuv 

Young  W.  Doubtless,  sir. 

Wild.  And  has  it  never  occurred  to  you,  that  what  was  gained  by 
honor  iniiiht  be  lo.st  by  inf  .my  ? 

Young  W.  Pe.fectly,  sii'. 

Wild.  Are  you  to  learn  vvint  redress  even  the  imputation  of  a  lie 
demand-;  and  that  nothing  less  than  the  life  of  tne  adversary  can 
oxtingui><h  tlie  affioni  1 

Young  W.  Doubtless,  sir. 

Wild.  Then  how  dare  you  call  yourself  a  gentleman  1  yon,  whose 
life  has  been  one  continned  scene  of  traud  and  fal.^itv  !  And  would 
nothing  content  you  but  making  nif^  a  ]>  inner  in  your  infamy  7  Mu-t 
your  fither  be  made  the  innocent  ins:rument  to  circulate  your  abomin- 
able impositions  1 

Young  W.  But,  sir ! 

Wild.  Within  this  hour  my  1  f-^  was  nearly  sacrificed  in  defence  of 
your  fiine  ;  but.  peili  .ps  that  was  your  intention  ;  and  the  story  of  your 
"mairiaize  merely  calcidaied  to  send  m ;  out  of  ihe  world,  as  a  grateful 
return  for  my  bringing  you  into  it. 

Young  W.  For  heavej's  sake,  sir ! 


30  THE    LIAR. 

Wild.  What  otiier  motive '? 

Young  W.  Here  me,  I  entreat  you,  sir. 

Wild.  To  be  again  imposed  on!  No,  Jack ;  my  eyes  are  opened  at 
last. 

YouxG  W.  By  all  that's  sacred,  sir 

Wild.  I  am  now  deaf  to  your  delusions. 

Young  W.  But  hear  me,  sir.     I  own  the  Abingdon  business 

Wild.  An  absolute  fielion. 

Young  W.  I  do. 

Wild.  And  how  dare  you 

Young  W.  I  crave  but  a  moment's  audience. 

Wild.  Go  on. 

Y'ouNG  W.  Previous  to  the  communication  of  your  intention  for  rae  I 
actndently  met  with  a  lady,  wiiose  charms 

Wild.  So  ! — what,  heiv's  another  marriage  trumped  out  1  but  that  is 
a  stale  device.  Aid,  pray,  sir,  what  place  does  this  lady  inhabit] 
Comf,  come,  c  )me,  ao  i>n  ;  you  have  a  fertile  invention,  and  this  is  a 
fine  opportunity.  Well,  sir,  and  this  charming  lady,  residing,  I  suppose, 
tn  7iubibHs 

Young  W.  No,  sir ;  in  London. 

Wild.  Ind^^pd  ! 

Young  W.  Nay,  more,  and  at  this  instant  in  the  next  room. 

Wild.  And  her  name? 

Young  W.  Godfrey. 

Wild.  The  mistress  of  this  house] 

Young  W.   The  very  same,  sir. 

Wild.  H  ive  you  spoken  to  her  1 

Y'ouNG  W.  Parted  from  h'r  not  ten  minutes  ago;  nay,  am  here  by 
her  n])poiniment. 

Wild    Has  she  favored  your  address  1 

Young  W.  Time,  sir,  and  your  approbation  will,  I  hope. 

Wild.  L  lok  ye,  sir,  as  there  is  some  little  probabiliy  in  this  story,  I 
shall  think  it  wo.tli  further  inquiry.  To  be  plain  with  you,  I  know  Miss 
Godfrey  ;  am  iniimale  with  iior  f  imily  ;  nnd  ttiouiih  you  deserve  l)UL 
little  from  rae,  I  will  endeavor  to  aid  your  intention.  But  if,  in  the  pro- 
gress of  tnis  (iffiiir,  you  prnclise  any  of  your  usual  arts;  if  1  discover  the 
least  filsehood,  the  least  duplicity,  remember  you  have  lost  a  father. 

Young  W.  I  shall  submit  without  a  murmur.         [Exit  Wilding,  u. 

Enter  Papillion,  l. 

P.\p.   Sir.  sir,  here  has  been  the  devil  to  pay  below. 
Young  W.  And,  sir.  sir,  sir,  here  has  been  tiie  devil  to  pay  above. 
Pap.  Tliere  are    a  whole   legion   of  cooks,   confectioners,  musicians, 
w  liters,  and  wniermen. 

Y  -dng  W.  Wh.it  do  they  want  1 
Pa  p.  You,  sir. 

Vou  .G  W.  Me  ! 

Pap.  Yes,  sii-;   they  have  brought  in  their  bills. 

YuUNG  W.  B  lis  !  for  what  ? 

Pap.   For  thf  entertainment  vou  gave  last  night  upon  the  water. 

Y  UN'?  W.  That  I  gavel 

Pap  Yes,  sir;  you  remember  the  bill  of  fare;  I  am  sure  the  very 
m^*^tion  of  11  makes  my  mouth  water. 

Young  W.  Prythee,  are  you  mad  7  There  must  be  some  mistake; 
y  u  kno>v  that  I 

1*AP.  They  have  been  v.:stly  puzzled  to  find  out  your  lodgings ;  but 


ACT   II.  31 

Mr.  Robinson  meeting  b)'  accident  with  Sir  James  Elliot,  he  was  kind 
enoutjh  to  U'll  him  where  you  lived.  Here  are  the  hills:  AInnck's, 
twelve  dozen  of  Ciaret,  ditto  Cliampagne,  Froniiuiac,  Sweetmeats,  Pine- 
apples ;  the  whole  amount  is  £372  9s.,  besides  music  and  fireworks. 

Young  W.   (jome,  sir,  this  is  no  time  for  trifling. 

Pap.  N  ly,  sir,  they  say  they  have  gone  full  as  low  as  they  can  afford, 
and  they  were  in  hopes,  from  the  great  satisfaction  you  expressed  to  Sir 
James  Elliot,  tliat  you  would  throw  them  in  an  additional  compliment. 

Young  W.  Hark  ye,  Mr.  Papillion,  if  you  don't  cease  your  impeiti- 
nence,  I  shall  pay  you  a  compliment  that  you  would  gladly  excuse. 

Pap.  Upon  my  faith,  [  relate  but  the  mere  matter  of  fact;  you  know, 
sir,  I  am  but  bad  at  invention. 

Young  W.  But  are  you  serious  1  is  this  possible  1 

Pap.  Most  certainly  ;  it  was  with  difficulty  I  restrained  their  impa- 
tience ;  but,  however.  I  have  dispatched  them  to  your  lodgings,  with  a 
promise  that  you  shall  immediately  meet  them. 

Young  W.  Oh,  there  we  shall  soon  rid  our  hands  of  the  troop.  Now, 
Papillion,  I  have  news  for  you ;  my  father  has  got  to  the  bottom  of  the 
whole  Abingdon  business. 

Pap.  The  deuce  ! 

Young  W.  We  parted  this  moment ;  such  a  scene ! 

Pap.   And  what  was  the  issue  1 

Young  W,  Hap[)y  beyond  my  hopes.  Not  only  an  act  of  oblivion, 
but  a  promise  to  plead  ray  cause  with  the  fair. 

Pap.  With  Miss  God  trey  ] 

YouxG  W.  Who  elsel     He  is  now  with  her  in  the  next  room. 

Pap.  And  there  is  no — you  understand  me — in  all  this  1 

Young  W.  No,  no  ;  that  is  all  over  now — my  reformation  is  fixed. 

Pap.  As  a  w^eathercook. 

Young  W.  Here  comes  my  father. 

Enter  Wilding,  r. 

Wild.  Well,  sir,  I  find  in  this  last  article  you  have  condescended  to 
tell  me  the  truth  ;  the  lady  is  not  averse  to  your  union,  but,  in  order  to 
fix  so  mutable  a  mind,  I  have  drawn  up  a  slight  contract,  which  you  are 
both  to  siiin. 

Young  W.  With  transport. 

Wild.  I  will  introduce  Miss  Godfrey.  [Exit,  k. 

Young  W.  Did  not  I  tell  you,  Papillion  1 

Pap.  This  is  amazing,  indeed  ! 

Young  W.  Am  not  I  happy,  fortunate  ?     But  they  come. 

Enter  Wilding  and  Miss  Godeuey,  r. 

Wild.  If,  madam,  he  has  not  the  highest  sense  of  the  great  honor  you 
do  him,  I  shall  cease  to  regard  him. — There,  sir,  make  your  own  ac- 
knowledgjments  to  that  lady. 
I      You.NG  W.  Sir! 

AViLD.  This  is  more  than  you  merit,  but  let  your  future  behavior  tes- 
tify you'"  araiitude. 

Young  W.  Papillion!  madam!  sir! 

Wild.  What,  is  the  puppy  petrified  1  Why  don't  you  go  up  to  the 
ladv  1 

Young  W.  Up  to  the  lady  !  that  lady  ^ 

Wild.  That  lady  !  To  be  sure.  What  other  lady  1  To  Miss  God- 
frey. 

/ 


32  THE    LIAU. 

Young  W.  That  lady  Miss  Godfrey  1 

Wild.  WIi.iL  is  all  Li.is'?  Hark  ye,  sir,  I  see  wliat  5'on  arc  at,  but  no 
IrifliJi;  I'll  1)8  no  uioie  t  e  du|)e  <.f  your  double,  detestable — Rocol- 
lecL  niy  last  resoliiUon  ;  this  iuhLani  your  li md  to  the  contract,  or  tremble 
at  ilie  consf^qiiencp. 

VouNG  W.  Sir.  iliaL  1  hope,  is — niif?lit  nol  I — lo  be  sure 

Wild.  No  funlier  evasit)ns!     There,  sir. 

VoUNG  W.   Heiylio  !  {sigtis  it.) 

■\ViLn.  Veiy  \v<l'.     N  -w,  niuiatn,  your  name,  if  you  please. 

Young  W.   Papillion,  do  you  know  who  she  is  1 

Pap.   That's  a  question  in  leed  ;  don'i  you,  sir  7 

Young  W.  Not  I,  as  1  hope  to  be  saved. 

Unter  JouN,  L. 

Joux.  A  vouns;  1  idy  begs  to  speak  with  Mr.  Wilding. 

WiLU.    With  me  7 

John.   Willi  ijou»ff  Mr.  Wildiiiff. 

Mi.ss  Go.  A  younii  lady  with  Mi-.  Wilding? 

John.  Seems  d.sires.-ed,  midam,  and  extrera  dy  pressing  for  admit- 
tance. 

Miss  Go.  Indeed!  there  may  be  som^^thing  in  tliis.  You  must  permit 
in'%  sir,  to  panse  a  little;  who  knows  but  a  p.ior  claim  may  prevent 

Wild.    How,  sir,  who  is  this  lady  ] 

YouxG  W.   It  is  impo  sibK^  for  me  to  divine,  sir. 

WiLO.  You  know  nothinir  other? 

YouxG  W.   How  should  I  ] 

WiLU.   Vou  hear,  m  dam  1 

.Mi.ss  Go.  1  presume  your  son  can  have  no  objection  to  tlie  lady's 
ap  e  i  ranee. 

Young  W.  Not  in  the  I<a4,  madam. 

Miss  Go.   S  iow  her  in,  John.  [Sxit  Jou:^,  l. 

Wh-d.  N ',  m  idam  I  don't  ihink  there  is  the  least  room  lor  suspect- 
ing him  ;  he  c  in't  b--  so  abandoned  as  lo — B.it  slie  is  lie.e. 

Enter  Miss  GaANTH.^M  as  Mi:ss  Sybthorp,  l. 

Miss  G::.  Where  is  he?  Oil,  let  me  throw  my  arms — my  life — 
mv 

Youxxa  W.   Hevd  y  ! 

Miss  G  :.  And  couUl  you  leave  me  1  and  for  so  long  a  space  1  Think 
how  I  he  te  lious  tim.^  has  lagged  alon?. 

Young  W    Madam ! 

Miss  Gk    But  we  are  met  at  last,  and  now  will  part  no  more. 

Young  W.  The  deuc?  we  won't! 

Miss  Git  W.iat,  not  one  kind  look — no  lender  word  to  hail  our  second 
meeiin^  ? 

Youxg  W.  What  the  devil  is  all  tlrs  ? 

.Miss  Gii.  Are  all  you;-  oailis,  your  protestations,  come  to  this?  Hive 
I  de.se  ved  such  treatment?  Q  liue  I  my  father's  hoiis-^,  left  all  my 
friend-!,  and  wandere  1  here  a. one  in  seaich  of  thee,  thou  first,  last,  only 
object  of  my  love! 

Wild.  To  wliat  can  a'l  this  tend]  Hark  ye,  sir,  unriddle  this  mys- 
tery. 

Young  W.  B'Vus  sum,  non  (Elipw.  It  is  beyond  me,  I  confess.  Some 
lunUic  escaped  from  her  keeper,  1  suppose. 

Miss  Gr.  Am  I  disowned,  then,  contemned,  slighted  1 


ACT    11.  33 

Wild.  Ho'd  !  let  me  inquire  into  this  matter  a  little.  Pray,  madam, 
you  seem  to  be  pretty  familiar  here,  do  you  know  this  gentleman  1 

Miss  Gr.  Too  well. 

Wild.  His  name  1 

Miss  Gr.  Wilding. 

Wild.  So  far  she  is  right.     Now  yours,  if  you  please  1 

Miss  Gr.   Wilding. 

Omnes.  Wilding! 

Wild.  And  how  came  you  by  that  name,  pray  t 

Miss  Gr.  Most  lawfully,  sir ;  by  the  sacred  band,  the  holy  tie  that 
madF»  US  one. 

Wild.  What,  married  to  him  1 

jSliss  Gr.  Most  true. 

O.MNEs.   How  ? 

YoDXG  W.   Sir,  may  I  never 

Wild.  Peacp,  monster  !     One  question  more,  your  maiden  name  ! 

Miss  Gr.  Sybtliorp. 

Wild.   Lydia,  ftom  Abingdon,  in  the  county  of  Berks  1 

Miss  Gr.  The  same. 

Wild.  As  I  suspected.  So,  then,  the  whole  story  is  true,  and  the 
monster  is  married  at  last. 

YoDNG  W.  Me,  sir  !     By  all  that's- 

Wild.  Measureless  liar  ! 

Young  W,  If  not  me,  hear  this  gentleman  ;   Marquis 

Pap.  Not  I ;  TU  be  drawn  into  none  of  your  scrapes  ;  it  is  a  pit  of 
your  own  digging,  and  so  get  out  as  well  as  you  can. 

Wild.  What  evasion  now,  monster! 

Miss  Go.  Deceiver ! 

WiL>.  Liar! 

Miss  Go.  Iniposter ! 

Young  W.  Why,  this  is  a  general  combination  to  distract  me ;  but  T 
will  be  heard.  Sir,  you  are  grossly  imposed  upon  ;  the  low  contriver  of 
this  woman's  shallow  artifice  I  shall  soon  find  means  to  discover ;  and 
as  to  you,  madam,  with  wiiom  I  have  been  suddenly  surprised  into  a  con- 
t:act,  1  most  solemnly  declare  this  is  the  first  time  I  ever  set  eyes  on 
yon. 

Wild.  Amaz'ng  confidence  !    Did  not  I  bring  her  at  your  own  request  1 

Young  W.  No. 

Miss  G  >.  Is  not  this  your  own  letter  7  {sJiows  letter.) 

Y   UNG  W.   No. 

Miss  Gr.  Am  not  I  your  wife  1 

Young  W.  No. 

Wild.  Did  not  you  own  it  to  me  ? 

Y*.uN(j  W.   Yes — that  is — no,  no. 

Miss  Gk.  Hear  me. 

Young  W.  No. 

iMiss  Go.  Answer  me. 

YouxG  W.  No. 

Wild.  Have  not  I 

Young  W.  No,  no,  no.  Zounds!  you  are  all  mad!  and  if  I  stay,  I 
shall  caich  Uie  iiifeclion.  {going,  l.) 

Enter  Sir  James  Elliot,  l.,  xvho  stops  Young  Wilding. 

Sir  J.  S  o[\  sir;  the  ])lay  i.s  not  over.     Madam,  you  may   unmask. 
^Mis-  Grantham  removes  Jur  veil) 
UMNics,  Ha,  ha,  ha  ! 


34  JHE    LIAH. 

Wild.  Finely  peifomietl. 

Miss  Gr.  Yes,  I  tliink  I  did  it  preity  well. 

Young  W.  Miss  Godfrey  ! 

Miss  Gr.  No,  sir;  Miss  Grantliam,  at  your  service. 

Young  W.  What,  sir;  is  iliis  the  lady  you  intended.     Why  she  is 

Sir  J.  My  future  wife. 

Young  W.  Is  it  possible  !      Have  I  then  lost 

Miss  Gr.  Nothing  !  only  a  woman  whose  paint  comes  from  Paris,  and 
whose  slays  serve  to  hide  her  crooked  shape.  Why  you  would  as  soon 
take  a  wife  from  the  Grand  Signioi's  Seraglio,  you  know. 

Young  W.    Madam,  if  sincere  lepentance 

Miss  Gr.  Too  late,  sir;  I  reject  you  as  a  lover. 

Miss  Go.  yiearing  up  puper).   I  refuse  you  as  a  husbaud. 

Sir  J.  I  discard  you  as  a  friend. 

Wild.  I  abandon  you  as  a  son. 

Pap.  And  I  discharge  you  as  a  master. 

Young  W.  So  my  lying  has  brought  me  to  a  pretty  pass.  What's  to 
be  done  ? 

Pap.  Suppose  you  were  to  try  the  truth  for  once. 

Young  W.  Papillion,  you  are  risht.  I  will  turn  over  a  new  leaf,  and 
I  call  all  present  to  witness  that  henceforth  I  shall  stick  to  the  truth,  the 
whole  truth,  and  nothing  but  the  truth. 

All.  If  you  can. 

Y'ouNG  AV.  True — if  I  can.  Only  it's  so  confoundedly  dull  and  matter 
of  fact.  I  can't  do  it,  my  imagination  is  too  lively.  No,  let  me  but  have 
the  assurance  that  my  poetic  prose  has  afforded  you  amusement,  and 
egad,  I'll  lie  through  thick  and  thin  every  evening  till  further  notice. 

Wild.  Miss  Godfkey.  Young  W.  Miss.  Grantham.  Sir  J.  Papillion- 

B.  L. 

CUBTAm, 


DE  WITT'S  ACTING  PLAYS. 


JK5*  I'leCse  notice  that  nearly  all  the  Comedies,  Farces  and  Comediettas  m  the  following 
List  of  •'  De  Witt's  Acting  Flays  "  are  very  suitable  for  represeutatiou  in  smail  Amateur 
Theatres  and  on  Parlor  Stages,  as  they  need  but  Lttle  extrinsic  aid  from  comijlex  scenery 
or  expensive  costumes.  They  have  attained  their  deserved  popularity  by  their  di-oll  situa- 
tions, excellent  plots,  great  humor  and  brilliant  dialogues,  no  less  than  by  the  fact  that 
they  are  the  most  perfect  in  every  respect  of  any  edition  of  plays  ever  published  either  iu 
the  United  States  or  Europe,  whether  aa  regards  purity  of  text,  accuracy  and  fullness  of 
stage  directions  and  scenery,  or  elegance  of  typography  and  clearness  of  printing. 

*^l*  In  ordering  please  copy  the  figures  at  the  commencement  of  each  piece,  ■whicU 
indicate  the  number  of  the  piece  in  "  De  Witt's  List  of  Acting  Plats." 

jCJ-  Any  of  the  following  Plays  sent,  postage  free,  on  receipt  of  price — Fifteen  Cents 
each. 

JC3-  The  figure  following  the  name  of  the  Play  denotes  the  number  of  Acts.  The 
figures  in  the  columns  indicate  the  number  of  characters— H.  male;  F.  female.  ^ 


75.  Adrienne.  drama,  3  acta 7 

231.  All  that  Glitters  is  not  Gold,  comic 

drama,  2  acts 6 

308,  All  on  Account  of  a  Bracelet,  come- 
dietta. 1  act 2 

114.  Anything  for  a  Change, comedy,!  act  3 
167.  Apple  Blossoms,  comedy,  3  acts. ..   7 

93.  Area  Belle,  farce,  1  act 3 

10.  Atchi,  comedietta,  1  act 3 

89.  Aunt  Charlotte's  Maid,  farce,  1  act.  3 
258.  Aunt  Dinah's  Pledge,  temperance 

drama,  2  acts G 

287.  Bachelor's  Box  (La  Petite  Hotel), 

comedietta,  1  act 4 

166.  Bardell  vs.  Pickwick,  sketch.  1  act.  G 
310.  Barrack  Room  (The),  comedietta,2a.  G 

41.  Beautiful  Forever,  farce,  1  act 2 

141.  Bells  (The),  drama,  3  acts 9 

223.  Betsey  Baiier,  farce,  1  act 2 

67.  Birthplace  of  Podgers,  farce,  1  act..  7 
36.  Black  Sheep,  drama,  3  acts 7 

279.  Black-Eyed  Susan,  drama,  2  acts.  ..14 

296.  Black  and  White,  drama,  3  acts 6 

160.  Blow  for  Blow,  drama,  4  acts 11 

179.  Breach  of  Promise,  drama,  2  acts..   5 
25.  Broken-Hearted  Club,  comedietta..  4 

70.  Bonnie  Fish  Wife,  farce,  1  act 3 

261.  Bottle  (The),  drama,  2  acts 11 

226.  Box  and  Cox,  Romance,  lact.... ..  2 

24.  Cabman  No.  93,  farce,  1  act 2 

199.  Captain  of  the  Watch,  comedietta, 

1  act 6 

i.  Caste,  comedy,  3  acts 5 

J.75.  Cast  upon  the  World,  drama,  5  acts. 11 
,  55.  Catharine  Howard,  historical  plav, 

3  acts !,12 

69.  Caught  by  the  Cuflf,  farce,  lact....  4 

80.  Charming  Pair,  farce,  1  act 4 

65.  Checkmate,  comedy,  2  acts G 

68.  Chevalier  de  St.  George,  drama,  3a.  9 
2]9.  Chimney^  Corner    (Tne),    domestic 

drama,  3  acts 5 

76.  Chops  of  the  Channel,  farce,  1  act..  3 
205.  Circumstances    alter  Cases,  comic 

operetta,  1  act 1 

149.  Clouds,  comedy,  4  acts 8 

121.  Comical  Couiitess,  Wee,  1  act..-  !.•  3 


3 

222. 

243. 

3 

107. 

152. 

2 

52. 

3 

148. 

3 

2 

r.3. 

2 

20. 

3 

2sG. 

4. 

3 

22. 

275. 

1 

9G. 

2 

IG. 

2 

58. 

2 

125. 

3 

71. 

2 

142. 

3 

21)4. 

5 

21. 

2 

2G0. 

3 

210. 

G 

2G3. 

2 

1G6. 

8 

242. 

1 

47. 

G 

283. 

1 

2 

202. 

315. 

2 

297. 

3 

5 

200. 

1^5. 

5 

230. 

1 

103. 

3 

9. 

5 

3 

128. 

101. 

2 

9^. 

2 

262, 

1 

145. 

"^1 

102. 

l| 

88. 

6  5 
6 
1 


Cool  as  a  Cucimiber,  farce,  1  act..  ..32 
Cricket  on  the  Hearth,  drama,  3  acts  8  r 

Cupboard  Love,  farce,  1  act 2   \ 

Cupid's  Eye-Glass,  comedy,  1  act..   1    1 

Cup  of  Tea,  comedietta,  1  act 3    1 

Cut  Off  With  a  Shilling,  comedietta, 

1  act 2    1 

Cyril's  Success,  comedy,  6  acts 10    i 

Daddy  Gray,  drama,  3  acts 8    4 

Daisy  Farm,  drama,  4  acts 10    4 

Dandelion's  Dodges,  farce,  1  act...     4    2 

David  Garrick,  comedy,  3  acts 8    3 

Day  After  the  Wedding,  farce,  1  act  4  2 
Dearest  .Alamma,  comedietta,  1  act..  4  3 
Dearer  than  Life,  drama,  3  acts. . . 

Deborah  (Leah),  drama,  3  acts 7 

Deerfoot,  farce,  1  act 5 

Doing  for  the  Best,  drama,  2  acts. '  5 
Dollars  and  Cents,  comedy,  3  acts!,  9 
Drawing  Room  Car(A),comedy,lact  2 

Dreams,  drama,  5  acts 6 

Drunkard's  Warning,  di-ama,  3  acts  6 
Drunk'-.rd's  Doom  (The),  drama,  2a. 15 

Drunkard  (The),  drama,  5  acts 13 

Duchess  de  la  Valliere.plav,  5  acts..  6 

Dumb  Belle  (The),  farce,  1  act 4 

Easy  Shaving,  farce,  1  act 6 

E.  C.  B.  Susan  Jane,  musical  bur-       i 

lesque,  1  act 8    1 

Eileen  Oge,  Irish  drama.  4  acts 11    3 

Electric  Love,  farce,  1  act 1    1 

English  Gentleman  (An),  comedy- 
drama,  4  acts 7    4 

Estranged,  operetta.  1  act  2    1 

Everybody's  Friend,  comedy,  3  acts  6  5 
Family  Jars,  musical  farce,  2  acts..  5  2 
Faust  and  Marguerite,  drama,  3  acts  9  7 
Fearful  Tragedy  in  the  Seven  Dials, 

interlude,  1  act 4    1 

Female  Detective,  drama,  3  acts 11    4 

Fornande.  drama.  3  acts 11  10 

Fifth  Wheel,  comedy,  3  act.'* 10    2 

Fifteen  Years  of  a  Drunkard's  Life, 

melodrama,  3  acts 13    4 

First  Love,  comedy,  1  act 4    1 

Foiled,  di-ama.  4  acts 9    3 

Founded  on  Facts,  farce,  1  act 4    2 


DE  WITT'S  ACTING  PLAYS-Oontinued. 


m. 

74. 

63. 

73. 

,30. 

131. 
276. 

306. 
277. 

206. 
Ul. 

28. 
151. 
8. 
180. 
303. 

19. 

60. 
191. 
246, 
301. 
224. 
187. 
174. 
i-l. 

CA. 
190. 
197. 
225. 
252. 

18. 
116. 
129. 
159. 
278. 
282. 
273. 
243. 
271. 
244. 
270. 
274. 
\22. 
^77. 
100. 
299. 
139. 
'  17. 
233. 
'309. 

86. 
137. 

72. 
144. 

34. 
189. 
253. 
111. 
$19. 
239. 

48. 

32. 
164. 
255. 
165. 


Fruits  of  the  Wine  Clip,  drama,  3  cts  6  3 

Game  of  Cards  (A),  comedietta,  la..  3  1 

Garrick  Fever,  farce,  1  act 7  4 

Gertrude's  Mouey  Box,  farce,  1  act.  4  2 

Goldeu  Fetters  (Fetterwd), drama,  3.11  4 
Goose  with  tlie  Goldeu  Eggs,  farce, 

lact 5  8 

Go  to  Putuey ,  farce,  1  act 4  3 

Good  for  Nothing,  comic  drama,  la.  5  I 

Great  Success  (A),  comedy,  3  acts. .   8  5 
Qrimshaw,  Bagshaw  and  Bradshaw, 

farce,lact f  2 

Heir  Apparent  (The),  farce,  1  act...  5  1 

Handy  Andy,  drama,  2  acts 10  3 

Happv  Pair,  comedietta,  1  act <  7i  1 

Hard  Case  (A),  farce,  1  act 2 

Heury  Dunbar,  drama,  4  acta 10  3 

Henry  the  Fifth,  hist,  play,  5  acfF.  38  6 

Her  Only  Fault,  comedietta,  1  ^''t..   2  2 

He's  a  Lunatic,  farce.  1  act 3  2 

Hidden  Hand,  drama,  4  acts 5  5 

High  C,  comedietta,  1  act 3  3 

High  Life  Below  Stairs, far  je. 2  acts.  9  5 

Hinko,  romantic  drama,  6  acts 12  7 

His  Last  Legs,  farce,  2  acts 5  3 

His  Own  Enemy,  farce,  1  act 5  1 

Home,  comedy.  3  acts 4  3 

Honesty  is  the  Best  Policy,  play.  1.  2 

Household  Fairy,  sketch,  1  act 1  1 

Hunting  the  Slippers,  farce,  1  act. .  4  1 

HunchbacK  (The),  play,  5  acts 13  2 

Ici  on  Parle  Francais,  farce,  1  act...  3  4 

Idiot  "Witness,  melodrama,  3  acts. . .  6  1 

If  I  had  a  Thc-.i!-:and  a  Year.,  farce,  1  4:  3 

I'm  not  Mesilf  at  all,  Irish  stew,  la.  3  2 

In  for  a  Holiday,  farce,  1  act 2  3 

In  the  Wrong  House,  farce,  1  acr. . .  4  2 
Irish  Attorney  (The),  farce,  2  acts  ..82 

Irish  Broom  Maker,  farce,  1  act. ...  9  3 

Irishman  in  Loudon,  farce,  1  acts. .  0  3 

Irish  Lion  <The),  fai'ce,  1  act 8  3 

Irish  Post  (The),  drama,  1  act 9  3 

Irish  Tutor  (The),  farce,  1  act 5  2 

Irish  Tiger  (The),  farce,  1  act 5  1 

Irish  Widow  (The),  farce,  2  acts. ...   7  1 

Isabella  Orsini,  drama,  4  acts 11  4 

I  Shall  Invite  the  Major,  comedy,  14  1 

Jack  Long,  drama,  2  acts 9  2 

Joan  of  Arc,  hist,  play,  5  acts 26  6 

Joy  is  Dangerous,  comedy,  2  acts. .  3  3 

Kind  to  a  Fault,  comedy,  2  acts. ...  6  4; 
Kiss  in  the  Dark  (A),  farce,  1  act..  ..23 

Ladies'  Battle  (The),  comedy,  3  acts  7  2 

Lady  of  Lyons,  play,  5  acts 12  5 

L' Article  47,  drama,  3  acts 11  5 

Lame  Excuse,  farce,  1  act 4  2 

Lancashire  Lass,  melodrama.4  acts. 12  3 

Larkins'  Love  Letters,  firce.  1  act.. 3  2 

Leap  Year,  musical  duality,  lact — 1  1 

Lend  Me  Five  Shillings,  farce,  1  act  5  3 

Liar  (The),  comedy,  2  acts 7  2 

Life  Chase,  drama,  5  acts 14  5 

Limerick  Bov  (The),  farce,  1  act 5  2 

Little  Annie's  Birthdav.  farce,  1  act..2  4 

Little  Rebel,  farce,  1  act 4  3 

Little  Ruby,  drama,  3  acts 6  6 

Little  Em'lv,  drama,  4  a^ts 8  8 

Living  Statue  (The),  farce,  1  act 3  2 

^j09A  of  »  LoTer(The),  vaudeville,!,  i  1 


109. 

85. 

87, 
143, 
212, 
291, 
210, 
163, 
154, 

63, 
249. 
208, 

39. 
7, 

49 

15. 

46. 

51. 
302, 
184. 
250. 
312. 

234. 

108. 
IBS. 
1G9. 
216. 
2;^6. 
193. 

267. 
130. 
92. 
218. 
140. 

115. 
2. 

57. 
104. 
112. 
298. 
185. 

84. 
117. 

171. 

14. 
300. 
269. 
268. 
173. 
227. 
176. 
254. 

33. 
3. 

90. 
170. 
289. 

97. 

66. 
209. 
172. 

94. 

45. 
155. 
178. 


M.  *■. 

Locked  in.  comedietta,  1  act 2    ^ 

Locked  in  with  a  Lady,  sketch 1    1 

Locked  Out,  comic  scene 1    1 

Lodgers  and  Dodgers,  farce,  1  act. .  4  2 
Loudon  Assurance,  comeuy,  5  acts. 10    3 

M.  P.,  comedy,  4  acts 7    2 

Mabel's  Manoeuvre,  interlude,  1  act  1    3 

Marcoretti,  drama,  3  acts 10    3 

Maria  and  Ulagdaleua,  play,  4  acts..  8  6 
Marriage  at  any  Price,  farce,  1  act. .  6  3 
Marriage  a  Lottery,  comedy,  2  acts.  3  4 
Married  Bachelors,  comedietta,  la..  3  2 
Master  Jones'  Birthday,  farce,  1  act  4    T- 

Maud's  Peril,  drauia,  4  acts 5    J 

Midnight  Watch,  drama,  1  act 8    2 

Milky  White,  drama,  2  acts 4    2 

Miriam's  Crime,  drama,  3  acts 5    2 

Model  of  a  Wife,  farce,  1  act 3    2 

Model  Pair  (A),  comedy,  1  act 2    2 

Money,  comedy,  5  acts 17    3 

More  Blunders  than  One,  farce,  la.  4  3 
More  Sinned  against  than  Sinning, 

original  Irish  drama,  4  acts 11 

Morning  Call  (A),  comedietta,  1  act.  i    3 

Mr.  Scroggin.s.  farce,  1  s^ct 3    £ 

Mr.  X.,  farce,  1  act 3    3 

My  Uncle's  Suit,  farce.  1  act 4    1 

My  Neighbor's  Wife,  farce,  1  act. . .  .3    3 

My  Turn  Next,  farce,  1  act 4    I 

My  Walking  Photograi^h,   musical 

duality,  1  act 1    1 

My  Wife's  Bonnet,  farce,  1  act 3    4 

My  Wife's  Diary,  farce,  1  act 3    1 

]My  Wife's  Out.  farce,  1  act 2    2 

Naval  Engagements,  farce.  2  acts. . .  4  2 
Never  Reckon  your  Chickens,  etc., 

farce.  1'  act 3    4 

New  Men  and  Old  Acres,  comedy,  3  8    6 

Nobody '.s  Child,  drama,  3  acts 18    3 

Noemie,  drama,  2  acts 4    4 

No  Name,  drama,  5  acts 7    5 

Not  a  bit  Jealous,  farce,  1  act 3    3 

Not  if  I  Know  it.  farce,  1  act 4    4 

Not  so  bad  as  we  Seem,  play,  5  acts.13    2 

Not  Guilty,  drama.  4  acts . . 10    £ 

Not  such  a  Fool  as  he  Looks,  drama, 

3  acts 5    4 

Nothing  like  Paste  fr.rce,  1  act 3    1 

No  Thoroughfare,  d*«ma,  5  acts 13    6 

Notre  Dame,  dranri.  3  acts 11    8 

Object  of  Interest  (An),  farce,  1  act.  4  3 
Obstinate  Family  (The),  farce,  1  act.  3    3 

Off  the  Stage,  comedietta,  1  act 3    3 

Omnibus  (The),  farce.  1  act 5    4 

On  Bread  and  'VS'ater,  farce,  1  act. . .  1    2 

One  Too  Many,  farce.  1  act 4    2 

One  Too  Many  for  Him,  farce,  1  act  2    3 

£100,000,  comedy,  3  acts 8    4 

Only  a  Hallpenny,  farce,  1  act 2    2 

Only  Somebody,  farce,  1  act 4    2 

On  the  Jury,  drama,  4  acts 5    6 

Orange  Blossoms,  comedietta,  1  act  3    3 

Orange  Girl,  drama.  4  acts 18    4 

Othello,  tragedy,  5  acts 16    3 

Ours,  comedv,  3  acts 6    8 

Our  Clerks,  farce,  1  act 7    6 

Our  Domestics,  comedy-farce,  2  acts  6  6 
Our  Heroes,  military  play,  5  acts.. .24  6 
Outat  Sea,  drama,  5 acts 17    8 


m  WlTT'y  ETHIOPIAN  AND  COMIC  MAMA.-Continued. 


M.  F. 

Jealous  Husband,  sketch 2    1 

Julius  the  Suoozer.  burlesque,  3  so.  6    1 
Katriua's  Little  Game,  Dutch  act, 

1  bceue 1    1 

Last  of  the  Mohicaus,  sketch 3    1 

Laughiug  Gas,  sketch,  1  scene 6    1 

Live  lujuu,  sketch,  4  scenes 4    1 

Lost  "Will,  sketch 4 

Lucky  Job,  fai-ce,  '2  scenes 3    2 

Lunatic  (The),  farce,  1  scene 3 

Making  a  Hit,  farce,  2  scenes 4 

Malicious  Trespass,  sketch,  1  scene.  3 
'Meriky,  Ethiopian  farce,  1  scene...  3    1 
Micky  Free,  Irish  sketch,  1  scene . .   5 
Midnight  Intruder,  farce,  1  scene  .  6    1 
Milliner's    Shop    (The),    Ethiopian 

sketch,  1  scene. 2    2 

Moko  Marionettes,  Ethiopian  eccen- 
tricity, 2  scenes 4    5 

Molly     Moriarty,    Irish     musical 

sketch,  1  scene .  1    1 

Motor  Bellows,  comedy,  1  act 4 

Musical  Servant,  sketch.  1  scene....  3 
Mutton  Trial,  sketch,  2  scenes  ....  4 
MyWife's  Visitors,  comic  drama,lsc.  6  I 
Night  in  a  Strange  Hotel, sketch, Isc.  2 
Noble  Savage,  Ethi'n  sketch,  1  ec. ..  4 
No  Pay  No  Cure,  Ethi'n  sketch,  1  so.  5 
Obeying  Orders,  sketch,  1  scene....  2    J 

100th  Night  of  Hamlet,  sketch 7    1 

Oh,  Hush !  operatic  olio 4    1 

One  Night  in  a  Bar  Room,  sketch . ,  7 
One  Night  in    a  Medical  College, 

Ethiopian  sketch,  1  scene 7    1 

One,  Two,  Three,  sketch,  1  scene. .  7 
Painter's  Apprentice,  farce,  1  scene.  5 
Pete  aud  the  Peddler,  Negro  and, 

Irish  sketch,  1  scene 2    1 

Pleasant     Companions,    Ethiopian 

sketch,  1  scene 5    1 

Polar  Bear  (The),  farce,  1  scene 4    1 

Policy  Players,  sketch,  1  scene 7 

Pompey's  Patients,  interlude,  2  sc.  6 
Porter's  Troubles,  sketch,  1  scene. .  6    1 

Port  Wine  vs.  Jealousy,  sketch 2    1 

Private  Boarding,  comedy,  1  scene.  2    3 

Recruiting  Office,  sketch,  1  act 5 

Rehearsal  (The),  Irish  farce,  2  sc. . .  3    1 
Remittance  from  Home,sketch,  1  sc.  6 
Rigging  a  Purchase,  sketch,  1  so...  3 


29. 
97. 
137. 

143. 

99. 

85. 
116. 


M.  F. 

Rival  Artists,  sketch,  1  scene ,  4 

Rival  Tenants,  sketch 4 

Rival  Barbers'  Shops  (The),  Ethio- 
pian farce,  1  scene 6    1 

Sam's  Courtship,  farce,  1  act 2    1 

Sausage  Makers,  sketch,  2  scenes..  5  1 
Scampiui,  pantomime,  2  scenes....  3  3 
Scenes  on  th«  Mississippi,  sketch, 

2  scenes 6 

Serenade  (The),  sketch,  2  scenes....  7 
Siamese  Twins,  sketch,  2  scenes....  5 

Sleep  Walker,  sketch,  2  scenes 3 

Slippery  Day,  sketch.  1  scene 6    1 

Squire  lor  a  Day,  sketch 5    1 

Stage-struck  Couple,  interlude,  1  sc.  2    1 

Stranger,  burlesqHe,  1  scene 1    2 

Streets  of  New  York,  sketch,  1  sc...  6 
Storming  the  Fort,  sketch,  1  scene.  5 

Stupid  Servant,  sketch,  1  scene 2 

Stocks  Up!    Stocks  Down!   Negro 

duologue,  1  scene 2 

Take  It,  Don't  Take  It,  sketch,  1  sc.  2 

Them  Papers,  sketch,  1  scene 3 

Three  Chiefs  (The),  sketch,  1  scene.  6 

Three  A.  M.,  sketch,  2  scenes 3    1 

Three  Strings  to  one  Bow,  sketch, 

1  scene 4    l 

Ticket  Taker,  Ethi'n  farce,  1  scene.  3 

Tricks,  sketch 5    2 

Two  Awfuls  (The),  sketch,  1  scene..  5 

Two  Black  Roses,  sketch 4    1 

Uncle  Eph's  Dream,  sketch,  2  sc. ..  3    1 
Unlimited  Cheek,  sketch,  1  scene..  4    1  I 
Vinegar  Bitters,  sketch,  1  scene....  6    1 
Wake  up,  WiHiam  Henry,  sketch...  3 
Wanted,  a  Nurse,  sketch,  1  scene...  4 
Weston,  the  Walkist,  Dutch  sketch, 

1  scene 7    i 

What  shall  I  Take  ?  sketch,  1  scene.  7    1 
Who  Died  First?  sketch,  1  scene., .  3    1 
Who's  the  Actor?  farce,  1  scene....  4 
Whose  Baby  is  it  ?  Ethiopian  sketch, 

1  scene 2    1 

Wonderful  Telephone  (The),  Ethio- 
pian sketch,  1  scene 4    1 

Wrong  Woman  in  the  Right  Place, 

sketch,  2  scenes  2    2 

Yoiing  Scamp,  sketch,  1  scene 3 

Zacharias'  Funeral,  farce,  1  scene..  5 


A  COMPLETE  DESCRIPTIVE  CATALOGUE  OF  DE  WITT'S  ACT- 
ING PLAYS  AND  DE  WITT'S  ETHIOPIAN  AND  COMIC  DRAMAS, 
;  containing  Plot,  Costume,  Scenery.  Time  of  Representation,  and  all  other  informa- 
j  tior,  mailed  free  and  post  paid  on  application.    Ad<lress 

THE  DE  WITT  PUBLISHING  HOUSE, 

No.  33  Rose  Street,  Nev^  York. 


RETURN 


CIRCULATION  DEPARTMENT 

202  Main  Library 


LOAN  PERIOD  1 
HOME  USE 

2 

3 

4 

5 

6 

ALL  BOOKS  AAAY  BE  RECALLED  AFTER  7  DAYS 

1-yeaf  ioans  mav  oc  i-on^r jac  :)y  r)rln5ir;5  the  dcoks  ic  :r.3  3Ucu;-iion  DesK 
Rer.d**ais  and  .eihatye^  a.ay  bv  ir.asit  4  uays  pfw*  to  aue  date 


DUE  AS  STAMPED  BELOW 

MAY23«85 

• 

RECCIRJUN14I 

984*' 

FORM  NO.  DD6,  60m. 


UNIVERSITY  OF  CALIFORNIA,  BERKELEY 
/83  BERKELEY,  CA  94720 


Th€~ 
late 
fouL 


REC'D  LD 


EM. 


AA^JQ^HT^Ci^ 


CODbaMfc,?OS 


!\^28795r> 


THE  UNIVERSITY  OF  CALIFORNIA  UBRARY 

*    'r  ^ 


^ 


